~ To Hear and To Be Heard~

Almost There... Where?

2012-01-26T22:01:00.003+07:00

Wow.

As I sat and listened to the final mix of A Promise is a Promise, it suddenly REALLY hit me - I'm almost done!

After gathering songs I've written over the last decade, polishing them up, practicing, arranging, recording, re-recording, adding, subtracting, re-recording..., wrestling with mixing, ideas of better arrangements, wishing I could have played/sung it better, wishing I'd written easier songs.... mixing, mixing, mixing... and now we're here - on the brink of musical completion.

I will NEVER look at music in the same way again.

And tonight, as I write this - we're just 1 week away from sending all the music to the printer to press and print the CDs.

The album artwork is 95% finished, my Thank Yous written, rewritten, and waiting to be rewritten again tonight and tmw.

I may not end up with a perfect product, but I sure as heck am trying my best to give my most perfect effort.

There's still so much to be done... that I almost feel like I can't just sit here and be happy that we're pretty much done with production.

I still have yet to plan how to launch, promote and sell my album - I'm completely independent... so that means - lots of work to hard sell my own product. I'm considering placing some stock at Gramaphone...

What other ways do local artists in Singapore have to push their music to a mostly nonchalant public? I don't have the advertising power of Lady Gaga, (and neither the image to cause that kind of hoo haa to generate interest), I don't really wanna go table to table at each venue I play at trying to peddle my wares.

Yes, thus is the plight of the local indie artist.

Anyway, those are thoughts for another day.

For now I am just going to sit here and listen to my final raw mixes and be happy that I've actually made it THIS far.

I've a long way to go still..., but I won't discount the fact that I've also come a long way. :)

Take Time

2011-11-23T16:54:00.003+07:00

Such is life.

In a bid to "move on" and live well, I don't normally let myself stop to think about my brother.

Sometimes I feel like I've lived several lives.
In one of these other lives, I had a younger brother. The reality of it is that he is no longer in my life.
Not in the same way.

What does one do when one has a whole lifetime ahead.., and has to redefine the word "sister"?

So eventually..., we are all forgotten. That is the plain sad truth.
Life is so fleeting. Reality so fragile.

So every now and again, I let myself remember.
I take time to pause and soak in the memories - of a past life with a naughty little brother I grew up with. Played with. Made music with.

To all who have left us too soon.
You have not been forgotten.

EXCLUSIVE Pre-Album Release SINGLE!

2011-10-26T11:31:00.001+07:00

While my first ever full-length originals album is due for release January 2012, I’m releasing ONE of the songs from the album a little earlier! Yay!

“Sweet Company” is one of my most popular songs, and also my own personal favourite on the album.
This pre-album release version is a little different from how it will sound like on the album.
You can buy it from BANDCAMP for a measly 1USD (or help a struggling independent artist and pay a little more)!

About the song:
Whether you are single or attached, 15 or 50, you can probably identify with the words of this song.
"Sweet Company" is all about dealing with loneliness and learning to be comfortable with every aspect of yourself... Sitting with your flaws, and loving yourself in spite of them... Delighting in having alone time, and romancing yourself because you are special!

I hope that this song will encourage you to be happy the way you are.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN AND BUY:

==================

Little Things....

2011-10-22T11:04:00.006+07:00

The floods in Thailand have been on my mind lately.

Usually, when it rains, I think of happy things like lazing around and hot chocolate... (Rainy Day)
But when it rains these days, I'm reminded that there are people who have lost their homes and even lives because of too much rain.
Thailand has a very special place in my heart... and my heart is heavy thinking about them dealing with the deluge.

On a more reflective note - the contrast between a little rain being normal and even enjoyable, and torrential or constant rain accumulating and turning into floods that cause people hardships and pain... well, sometimes that happens in our lives too: The little things that occur (good or bad) can build up and become one big flood at any certain time.

Too often, we unconsciously try to brush aside the little hurts and failures... trying to stay positive, trying to succeed... but if we don't face up to them or deal with them, they can build up in the back of our minds and one day simply overwhelm us.

OR.. we can focus on the little blessings that happen on a daily basis - and let those little things build up and make us stronger.

That's what this song is about.

LITTLE THINGS by Shimona Kee

These small things line themselves
and fall in my hands
Like tears from the sky
pitter patter pitter patter...
little rainfalls. Rain falls.

The flood in my heart
gathered over time
scratches and scars
little girl it's only in your mind

Perspective keeps itself
Big is big and small is small
or so it seems
these little things

oh oh oh..

And they say that everything that happens
has its reason
I don't care how long it takes to get there
these little things won't weigh me down
down down down won't weigh me down

Walk on just fine,
suddenly it starts to pour
you never noticed before

Watch out little things
hide themselves
collecting themselves
nowhere to be seen

And they say that everything that happens
has its reason

I don't care how long it takes to get there
these little things
are not what they seem
so I will choose
which things to believe

And they say that everything that happens
has its reason

I don't care how long it takes to get there
these little things won't weigh me down
down down down won't weigh me down...

Sing a song about faith....

2011-09-06T22:39:00.003+07:00

I want to tell you about a song I recorded today.

I wrote this song a little more than a year ago.
It's called "A Promise is a Promise".

At the time that I wrote it, I wrote my excitement and fears about leaving Bangkok to move back home to Singapore.
The words spoke of a promise that was to be claimed - a strength that could be grasped in times of fear and doubt.

Last week, as I practised this song in preparation for today's studio recording, I realised how much more apt it was for my current circumstances.

Please don't think I am complaining.
I am not.
I am simply stating this:
It is insanely difficult struggling to make a living as a musician/singer in Singapore.
Why?
There are so many factors that I could site.
But I'd rather not get into that....
Just suffice to say that this is possibly the one trade you can be fantastically good at but still, hardly anyone will pay for your services/product.

ANYWAY....

Given these tough circumstances, and set it beside the fact that SINGAPORE IS AN EXPENSIVE PLACE TO LIVE IN...., and what do you get?
STRESS.

The point is - music is my full-time job.
I'm not in it for the money.
Never was.
I'm in it because I love music so much.
And somewhere along the way..., the industry, the lack of support, the brutal truth of reality - started to eat away at my faith in myself.
"If I'm really good at what I do, why aren't I succeeding?"

BUT.
Back to the song...

As I practised - sitting in my room, plucking at the guitar strings, legs crossed sitting on my bed - just like when I started out learning to play the guitar.. sitting on my bed at night, plucking and singing...,
I realised - the song isn't so much about a promise as it is about FAITH.

The focus isn't about the promise to be claimed at the end.
It's about how DIFFICULT faith can be during times of trouble.
How even when you don't FEEL like you're worth it..., that you're good enough, that you DESERVE the beautiful promise..., that you can STILL hold on to that sliver of hope and KEEP THE FAITH.

"Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on to His promises...
they're true."

** "A Promise is a Promise" will be released online (only) as a Single before my album release. Stay tuned for more details as they come.

Time Changes Everything

2011-08-01T13:09:00.003+07:00

Today is the first day of a new month.
The month the tally of my age moves 1 digit higher.

****

I've started taking in more private voice students.
Some of the younger singers, the teenagers in particular, remind me of where I came from - the shy, scared teenager I used to be. So afraid to show the world her need to sing.

I've come a long long way.
And sometimes I feel that all I have to show for it... is only what's inside of me.

10 years after winning The Big Break, some might say - I'm still looking for that big break.
Being an aspiring musician/singer-songwriter in Singapore is just NOT easy.
Recognition is hard to come by, opportunities are fleeting (and more often about who you know, than what you do), garnering support is like squeezing water from a rock.

But where I stand right now - despite it looking quite similar to where I stood 10 years ago, is a lot different.
In a decade, I've lived through a whole lot of personal experiences.
Some have left me wiser.
Some have left me more cynical.
Some have taught me when to care, and when not to care.

At the end of the day though, I still wish to be making music with the same passion and love that I started out with.
It's a conscience choice - because working in this industry in THIS country... can often take away that passion and leave you with that distinctly bitter taste in your mouth.

To all the young, aspiring singers in Singapore, I have this to say to you:
Never forget WHY you sing.
No matter what people say, no matter who favours you (or not), no matter if you don't get paid well, or that people look at you and see a CD player....
Keep singing.
Keep improving.
Because....
Remember your worth.
You ARE an artist.
You ARE valuable.
Don't ever let anyone treat you otherwise.

Sweet Company (NEW SONG!)

2011-07-07T13:45:00.005+07:00

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Sweet Company

I'm happy to be me
wouldn't want it differently
I buy me flowers
occasionally.

I used to be confused
about who I should be
but now I take it easy on myself
and slowly

I find that I am ok to hang out with
I kinda like my own sweet company
I'm nowhere near perfect
but God made me
so I'm happy just to be me

I'm happy to be me
wouldn't want it differently
I sing me love songs
occasionally.

I used to wish that I
could be that somebody
someone with perfect hair and always looks so skinny

but I found myself in my own skin
I kinda like my nose and eyes as is.
I'm nowhere near perfect
but God made me
so I'm happy just to be me.

Put the Past Where it Belongs - Behind You.

2011-06-30T00:38:00.002+07:00

Humans are sentimental creatures.
We are often haunted by ghosts of the past which linger in our memories and hinder our ability to be/stay happy.

Having been through the death of a sibling and a divorce (at about the same time), I believe in leaving the last where it is... in the past.

I read somewhere once that dealing with a divorce is often like dealing with a death.
I think that's quite true. Except that when it comes to an actual death, you actually want to keep the memories alive.
Personally, I'd rather forget as much as I can about my failed relationships.

**** ****

I'm feeling that longing creeping up on me again.
The need to belong to someone.
Which, at this point, I deem a bad thing.... because I see absolutely no prospects around me.
I just don't seem to have any of the right chemistry with anyone.

I haven't felt the need to be with someone... so strongly... since maybe three years ago.
I've become so happy being by myself.
It's uncomplicated, comfortable, and smooth-sailing.
I'm generally a lot more happy single than I ever was when attached.
(Does this speak of my adapting to singlehood? Or perhaps my bad taste for uncompatible men?)

Anyway..., I'm just feeling very tangled up right now.
Thought to get it out.
I'm half mad at the way things have turned out in my life,
half blase and all like "whatever",
half desperate for change,
and half completely terrified to be any other way than now.
That adds up to being twice confused.

OK I'm done psycho-babbling.

tick tick tick...

2011-06-28T23:24:00.004+07:00

Tick tick tick....

I look over at the tiny yellow alarm clock I bought yesterday.

... tick... tick... tick.....

I put it to my ear (it's smaller than my ear).

tick... tick.. tick.....
.... the sound kinda tickles my ear.
Heh.
Tiny tick-ling clock.

Outgrown...

2011-06-26T03:08:00.003+07:00

I know - TWO blog posts in a week?

~~~

I should be sleeping.
But instead I'm thinking.
Not for any reason in particular.
The thoughts just sort of float and hover as I potter about my room.
And yet there they are - thoughts.

~~~

One thought in particular crystallized in my mind's eye:
We outgrow.
- clothes
- feelings
- tastes
- situations
- places
- people

See, I was browsing through a listing of TV series, and stumbled across "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".... and thought to myself -
'Gee, I used to LOVE this series!
Owned a couple of box set DVDs...
and hmmm... ended up selling them.....
and would I watch them again?
Actually, no.'

It's not just my TV-watching preferences that have changed.
I don't read the same books I used to when I was a teenager - I can hardly stomach those all-too cheesy romance novels these days. They're too full of fluff and fancy.

Growing up, I used to pick the "chang" (chopped spring onions) from my food.
Living in Thailand found me asking for extra spring onions!

When I was a kid, I'd order my cheeseburger without pickles.
Now I'd love it if there are extra!

In the (almost) year since I've been back in Singapore, I've come to realize that I've outgrown certain friendships.

BTW, I must make a note here - it's important you understand that my use of the word "outgrown" has no negative connotations - simply that things change.
And in this instance, I've realized that my preferences in TV, food, and books aren't the only ones that have changed over the years - my preferences for certain kind of friendships over others too, have changed.

~~~

On a side-note, I think I outgrew Bangkok.
And that is why I felt that it was time to move back to Singapore.
Not that one is better than the other.
Simply that for this period of time, this is what FITS.

The tides of life are ever-changing.
We must change with them.
We cannot fight change - we must see that there are different things and places and people that fit different periods of our lives....

OK. With that very "zen" thought..., I bid you all goodnight!

"One Last Try"

2011-06-24T00:32:00.003+07:00

Last week when I was in BKK, my buddy Johnny and I were jamming.
He started playing a nice guitar rift, and suddenly turned to me and said "sing something to this".

Now, mind you, I was properly tired out - it was 1am(ish), and we'd been practising for the last few hours.
So as he played, I closed my eyes and sang the first few words that came to mind...

"Sitting in the dark, I wonder how. How it came to this - where we are right now..."

And thus a song was born.

I had no premeditated idea of what the song would be about.
It simply came to be.
And as I wrote the lyrics, a memory crystallized in my mind.
2007/2008 - those were two very dark, difficult years in my life.
Part of it was due to the tragic accident in which my younger brother passed away.
But the other part of it was the fact that my "happily ever after" had becoming a nightmare.

For a long time, I struggled and fought for a marriage that just wasn't meant to be.
And even till the point where I received the divorce papers... I truly believed that we could work it out.

I've moved on since then.
I'm still a happy person - I don't place blame, nor harbour regrets.
I simply decided to give myself a happy future.
But I never wrote a swan song for my marriage.

Recently, I learned that one of my friends is going through a divorce.
Empathy immediately flooded through my veins.
Not many people my age understand what it's like....

So when I wrote this song - I wrote it for myself.
And for all the broken people sitting on the brink of a big decision - to stay, or to go.

One Last Try

Sitting in the dark, I wonder how
How it came to this - where we are right now
I remember when our love was young and we thought we could.
But now we're stuck for words and we just can't figure out...

Is this goodbye or do we give it one last try?
Is this goodbye?
We cannot live a lie.
Is there something different this time?
Or is this goodbye?
Baby is this goodbye?

"Forever" was a word we thought that we could do.
If other people can, why can't we too?
Is it really so hard for us to stay in love?
Does it have to feel like work?
Have we lost track of who we are?

Is this goodbye or do we give it one last try?
Is this goodbye?
We cannot live a lie.
Is there something different this time?
Or is this goodbye?
Baby is this goodbye?

Leaves me cold and longing still...
for your warmth - I know I will
wonder if I leave you now...
Can I live without your love?
Or am I already living without?

Is this goodbye or do we give it one last try?
Is this goodbye?
We cannot live a lie.
Is there something different this time?
Or is this goodbye?
Baby is this goodbye?

Now and Then

2011-04-17T02:35:00.006+07:00

Recently I've been pondering how society exalts "couplehood".

Don't get me wrong - I'm no hater. I think it's wonderful to be in love.
But so many people just cannot stand being alone.
And so many people pity friends who are still single. Especially the older they get.
As if they have some kind of personality disorder if they're still single.

I beg to differ.
I think it takes strength of character to stay single and true to oneself, and not "settle" for anything less than what is right for you.
If more of us had this mentality of "not settling" and being happy as an a single individual, we would easily solve many of our relationship problems, and have less unhappy separations.

Yes, the single person does experience bouts of intense loneliness.
But honestly, even people in relationships can feel lonely. It's human nature to feel alone... even when we're with the people we love.

So with these thoughts in mind...., I wrote this song.

Now and Then

Now and then
I get a little bit lonely
and I must admit that I'm
usually good at being alone.

But just sometimes
I feel a little bit silly
thinking about the space
that is like a gaping hole.

But don't feel too bad for me
I'm not broken.
'Cuz some hearts are joyful still
standing alone.
I might cry a tear or two
every now and then...
But life is still beautiful
even if you're alone.

No I won't lie
and say I wouldn't want someone
to fill up my lonely nights
and some lonely afternoons too.

I'm not one to spend my life just pining
dwelling on coulda beens
or shoulda, or woulda, maybes

So don't feel too bad for me
I'm not broken.
'Cuz some hearts are joyful still
standing alone.
I might cry a tear or two
every now and then...
But life is still beautiful
even if you're alone.

Listen to it here:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_8244229
(Video to come soon...)

Now and Then by Shimona Kee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at networkedblogs.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.shimonakee.com/contact/.

2011 UPDATE!

2011-01-31T18:15:00.002+07:00

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the lapse in updates!
So here's a short 2011 update on what's going on with my music...

First of all, I'm starting work on my debut full-length album.
Everything's still in the beginning stages right now, so I can't offer many details... but watch this space.

Secondly, "Christmas Lights" CDs are no longer for sale.... until end of the year.
There are only a limited number of CDs left. So I will start selling them later on as a limited edition CD. (Because they are LIMITED!)
But if you really want, you can still buy it the mp3s from www.shimona.bandcamp.com.
Oh and by the way, if you bought "Christmas Lights" and wish the CD came with track notes and lyrics, stay tuned - I'll be adding a page to my website which will feature the album notes.... akan datang (soon) !

Lastly, I'm taking in more voice students! So if you're interested in taking private voice masterclasses, do drop me an email - info@shimonakee.com.
I'll be starting to teach Private Voice to a select few at United World College SEA, and Replugged Music (both of these school and I are still in the scheduling stages) as well. Please note that my style of voice lessons focuses on both stylistics as well as basic fundamental vocal techniques that are often based on my classical voice training - I tailor lessons to the individual.

OK boys and girls... CNY is coming up. So enjoy the festivities, treasure your loved ones, and eat till you're prosperous!!
恭喜发财!!
Love,
~Shimona.

PS: I'll leave you with some of my songs from my the 1st night of my Originals Only concert at the Esplanade Concourse: CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

"CHRISTMAS LIGHTS" on sale ONLINE now!!

2010-12-06T20:34:00.006+07:00

I'm am VERY VERY pleased to announce that my debut EP, "Christmas Lights" is for sale online!! WOOHOO!!!!!

http://shimona.bandcamp.com/

Have a pre-listen, and please please please support this indie artist by actually BUYING it!
I've painstakingly written notes for EACH track with great care - so just click the track titles and you will be able to read about some of the "stuff" that happens behind the construction of a song.
I never knew THIS much work goes into producing your own album! Ack! :p

Physical CDs will be on sale NEXT WEEK :
I will be selling them at gigs once it's ready.
My gig venues (CMPB and HOOD) have also agreed to hold some stock - so you can drop by and pick one up there even on days I'm not singing!
For details on gig dates/timings, check: http://shimonakee.com/anticipate
OR - if you know you will see me, send an email to info@shimonakee.com and I will save an EP for you - you can pay me direct whenever we meet for coffee/movie/dinner/church/whatever.
NOTE: If you are buying direct, pricing is minimum S$5, more if you're feeling charitable. :)

MAIL-ORDER THE EP:
Send an email to info@shimonakee.com and state the following information:
1. Your Name,
2. Your mailing address,
3. No. of CDs,
4. Amount you want to pay: Minimum cost is USD5 per CD, but you can give more if you… like, since part of the proceeds go to charity, no not my own charity… THIS CHARITY: http://insearchofsanuk.com/

PLEASE NOTE: You will get an invoice via email (to be paid to PayPal), and once payment is made, the CD will be on its way (once it is released).
I will be hand-mailing EACH EP personally. By regular mail. (Yeah, go INDIE artist!!) Postage will be included in your PayPal invoice.
CDs will be mailed out somewhere around Dec 15th. And YES, of course, the EP will be autographed with lotsa love and appreciation.

Purpose

2010-11-25T01:05:00.003+07:00

3 years and 2 days ago, my brother, Reuben Kee, passed away in a fatal accident.
Ever since then, I have a habit of asking myself this question:
Why am I still here - alive?

It didn't really make sense - sometimes I wondered why not me - instead of him.
It's not like I could've been the one in the dragon boat race... I have never even stepped into a dragon boat before. But the point is that I did wonder why God allowed me to live on (instead).

So I decided that the fact that I'm still alive on this earth, meant that I'm supposed to still be here.... to do something, or touch someone's life, or make a difference... something.

It's easy to just live life and not even ask yourself why - or to try to ignore and avoid asking yourself - what am I here for?

I take it as a challenge - to find something everyday - that I'm doing... or saying... that affects someone else positively.
Whether it is learning to love and respect my parents, or smiling at a grumpy service staff, or having an attitude of openness for new friendships and experiences... the simple truth is that we don't have to be Mother Theresa or something to that effect to live life with purpose. It is the SENSE of purpose and intentionally moving with purpose everyday that gives rise to purpose itself.

What is your purpose?

For the Love of the Art

2010-11-22T00:07:00.010+07:00

Almost 2 weeks ago, an article was published in the Straits Times, Life! section - front page - about how there are too many live music venues in Singapore, and not enough good quality musicians.

Before even reading the article, I wondered to myself - where are Singaporeans GOING to listen to music???
In my opinion, upon returning to Singapore after 6 years abroad, 2 of which were in Bangkok, the quality of music here has improved and is increasingly encouraging to the fledgling musician.

So I tried to put my immediate doubts aside and read the article as unbiasedly as possible.
Several valid points were brought to my attention.

Musicians: More venues are hiring musicians and offering live music to attract customers.
As a gigging musician looking for work, this is definitely not something to complain about - as in ANY job market, the availability of jobs helps create more demand. It may seem that the supply of good musicians is small..., but c'mon Singapore, give human beings time to learn and grow! We spend years and years studying in schools to receive paper creditations and appropriate skills for jobs... but more often than not, the gigging musician is in it for the love of music and performing. Not because they have a pHd in Gigging. So giving musicians time and support to improve is vital.
But also, musicians - hey! it's time to work harder and try to improve in more areas musically... don't grow complacent just because one audience likes 5 of your songs. haha... Take pride in your skill - try to offer more, don't let a bit of criticism or the occasional setback demoralize you too much. Instead, let it be a stepping stone to further achievement and success! :)

Audiences: Your energy and feedback helps musicians in their performances!
How many of you love to sing at KTV lounges? Fun?
Well, imagine that your friends ask you to get up there and sing - you pick your favourite most best-loved number - the one you've practised singing in the shower a million times, and know you can belt with full confidence. You muster up your confidence and get up to sing... and realize - the microphone is not on. Oh wait, yes it is - just that the volume is at +1. You ask them to turn the volume up - but the waitress says, sorry - the table next to you thinks you're too loud. So they turned you down.

OK, nevermind - you can sing louder.
So you do.
You can barely hear your voice coming out of the sound system...
And as you sing, you notice your friends are not listening - they're just talking to each other.
In fact, they're talking in increasingly loud tones because someone is blending a mojito in the bar, and they can't hear each other over the sound of the blender.
Their voices drown out your own hardly-miked up voice. Hmmmm...

The song ends, you give your best ending note with gusto and wait for applause..... except none comes. What? Were you singing out of tune? Was the microphone still too soft? Arghh.... you NEVER want to sing in front of people again!!!

Well, let's just say - this is often somewhat of a similar scenario to the gigging musician - there are so many factors that audiences are not aware of.

The times when musicians perform better are when: the audience is actually looking at them, feedback (ie. applause at the end of a song), song requests, smiles, etc. -- stage performers feed off the energy of people in the audience. Just go to ANY rock concert and you'll see that.
You can help the morale and even quality of the stage performer by being kind and respectful of what's going on on stage. :)

Venues: Hire with wisdom, compensate honorably, treat us respectfully.
One thing mentioned in said article was that song repertoires are often too repetitive or narrow in genre. To this, I can only say: You get what you pay for.
What motivates people to work harder at their jobs?
Compensation.

What happens if, at your job, your boss starts to demand more of you - maybe they send you for workshops or trainings, or say that if you hit a certain target, you will get a bonus or maybe even a promotion.
Question is: Do these incentives exist in the gigging circles?
I mean, don't full-time musicians deserve the same sort of incentives and motivation?
If a repertoire needs to be expanded, this means more research and learning time, rehearsal time, and effort! Will a musician want to learn 100 more songs for a venue if there is no motivation?

Don't get me wrong - many musicians DO keep learning new songs and improving their techniques, etc. But this is NOT always because we are getting paid more. We do it because we LOVE our jobs. We do it for the love of music and for professional integrity.... or even cuz we're bored of our own songs. Yeah, please stop requesting Hotel California, Love Me, and Britney Spears songs... PLEASE!!! :p

Support: Instead of saying "oh the music scene in Singapore is sad and lacks support", what can ANY ONE PERSON do to help?
Honestly, this is SO much easier to answer than you'd think.

Appreciate what we've got. Stop comparing us to the bigwigs in the American entertainment industry - oh please, like I wouldn't be a Lady GaGa too if I had millions of dollars pumped into publicity, audio engineering, wardrobe, etc.
Learn to actually listen. Yes, I know - you went to the restaurant for DINNER, not for a concert of some unknown Singaporean singer.... but hey, listen every now and then. Smile, and it could perk up some tired performer's entire gig!
Support local music. This sounds kinda vague, but it's really not: Free concert? Try to make time out of your super-busy work schedule to go to at least one per year. Free downloads, facebook pages, check them out - c'mon, you know you peruse the websites of plenty an overseas artiste, why not our own?? Share them with your friends - YES, there is PLENTY of good local original music. And spanning many different genres too!
Heard of a local artist who's launched an album? Give the artist a chance - buy the album - it's someone's livelihood, and most artistes here are independent and could use ALL the help they can get!
Be kind & tolerant. Like I said earlier - everyone's gotta start somewhere. Many gigging musicians learn and grow a LOT musically over the years they gig. They often start out raw and scratchy, but a decade later, are all over the papers and radio. Next time you hear an out-of-tune note, just smile and give the person a chance - they're probably still in Gigging Kindergarten, so to speak. :)
Requests originals!! We know, we know - we know you LOVE us to cover your favourite song by that popular American/UK band... but show us your love & support by asking us to play an original instead - many or rather MOST musicians I know are creative muses and have plenty of lovely original music, just waiting to be appreciated. Who knows, you might be the first to hear an original song by an artist whose concert ticket might one day cost you a good $200! One good example - a friend of mine once mentioned that she in New York years ago, and wanted to catch a free concert of some unknown singer... but missed it due to a change in schedule. Guess who the singer turned out to be? Alicia Keys. (Of course the free concert was back when Alicia Keys was just... yes, a PUB singer.) Heh.

So... forgive me for airing my humble opinions and quite possibly sounding a tad more than frustrated when an article on the front page of the national newspaper cites that musicians here are not of standard and (most) do not work hard. I can't understand where this is coming from! And worse, I feel that the general public will further misunderstand the nature of a musician's job! :'(

Many musicians I know, as well as myself, will of course keep making music, keep striving for improvement..., regardless of the hours, lack of applause, little improvement of pay, and much misunderstanding from the general public.

Why?
I'm not exactly sure.
The job is a LOT harder than many people realize - even those closest to us (not in the same field). All we can do is continue striving for our art, and encouraging each other.

Maybe music is a balm for the soul that is its own answer....

(Here are pics of the article.. sorry, quality not so good):

Musical Inventory...

2010-08-24T11:55:00.002+07:00

There's a new hot venue in town - TAB, which showcases local original talent, as well as new international artistes.

I'm singing there tonight.
Yay!

Despite having enough original music to fill at least 3 albums, I've never actually performed more than 3 of my own songs at one single performance.

Why?

Let's just say - audiences at venues such as bars or restaurants aren't usually too keen on hearing unknown stuff.
Familiar is comforting, and their ears perk up whenever I play a song like "Kiss Me" or "Time After Time".

That and - it's often hard to hear lyrics at live venues - and if you aren't familiar with a song, and can't hear the lyrics - it's probably going to be hard for you to identify with the song.

Yes, a catchy tune is important.
But to me, as a songwriter, lyrics are often what "gets" people.
I mean, yeah, music can push past language boundaries... sometimes a song without words can make you cry, or a song in a foreign language will touch your heart.
But more often than not, our favourite songs are the ones that we resonate with lyrically.

So tonight, I will be singing mostly originals.
Songs that have stories behind them - songs about love, betrayal, loneliness, friendship, tragedy... and I hope that whoever is in the audience will be able to listen astutely to the lyrics.

Because I wrote my heart into each of these songs.

Music on My Mind...

2010-08-21T14:51:00.002+07:00

Tonight I play at Hood Bar (55 Keong Saik Rd).

Gathering my repertoire together yesterday, I decided to up my game a little and do more than just my usual guitar-sing, one-woman show.

First off, tonight I will be accompanied on the cajon by Rahman - whom I only just met a few days ago. (Ahhh the magic of music!)

Secondly, I once said, whilst performing at The Iron Fairies in bkk, that I would one day do a ukulele set... and so I've mustered some songs together for tonight - on the uke.

Thirdly, I've had some songs that I only play when accompanying myself on the piano/keys... and so far, have not had the opportunity to do that at a gig -- either there is no piano/keyboard at the venue, or I didn't have the time to practise the songs on keys. Ha.
Well, tonight will mark a new beginning for playing the keys as well. :)

Lastly, I hardly ever play more than 2 originals at any one performance.
However, I have decided that I need to give my originals more exposure (and practice). So I'll be doing at least 5 tonight. :)

Let's see what happens. I'm excited....

Packing Do's and Don't

2010-08-04T15:56:00.006+07:00

DO NOT:

Pack on the very last day.
Freak out.
Get emotional about material possessions.
Keep getting distracted by facebook.
Chuck stuff randomly into a bag. Unpacking will be a bitch. I promise.
Forget to eat amidst the packing frenzy.

DO:

Think positive - it's really NOT as bad as you think. Really!
Give yourself at LEAST 3 full packing days.
Plan - Look at your space and divide it up into categories/sections. Chances are your room/house is already nicely categorized (ie. cosmetics, clothes, kitchenware, etc)
Work on 1 or 2 sections at a time. Don't look at the WHOLE mess at once. Attack bit by bit.
Put some happy/motivational music on. Dance, sing, smile, cry while you pack.
Give yourself rewards and breaks in between. It's no small task!
Be as unsentimental as you can - a lot of accumulated junk can be thrown or given away. Don't pack it up, ship it, and then end up not using it or throwing it away. Yeesh.
Remember - you are packing stuff away. Not your life. Differentiate the two.

That being said..., I'm about 70% done and on my last packing day.
Wish me good luck!! :)

Tminus3days

2010-08-02T17:53:00.002+07:00

Been a while since I wrote a proper blog post. Update-style I mean... (not poetry as I am often wont to do)

So what's been going on?
I'm standing at the junction of yet another Life-Crossroads.
In just about 3 days, I will fly that oh so familiar budget airline plane... back to the country of my birth. Again.

Been back for many short trips over the last few months. But this time I'm moving back to Singapore. More or less for good.

((off on tangent for a bit...))
For good.
Why do people ask that - "Are you moving back for good?"
I mean... seriously, how am I supposed to know these things??!?!! Who know what will happen in a few years. I mean, just 4 years ago, I was on a path that was supposed to lead me to moving to Finland "for good".
Things change.
Suddenly.
Nothing is "for good".
((ok, tangent done))

For nearly 3 months, I've been involved in a local (Bangkok) theater production of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream".
For those of you who don't know.., Bangkok's Arts scene is pretty much still untapped and very raw... and to stage a Shakespearean play takes a whole lotta guts (or crazy, or both)!
What's more, our production is staged intimately in the confines of a pub that serves as blacksmith factory by day and wine bar by night - The Iron Fairies.

The play opened last Wednesday to a sell-out crowd and an audience that was just a dream!
Today, I sit here in my room - luggage half-packed, contemplating the wild journey I embarked on ever since starting this production.
Tomorrow is our last night, and despite having caught the flu, I look forward to the last performance - anticipating relishing every moment.

Because on Thursday I move on to a new chapter of my life.
New beginnings, new challenges, pursuits of new passions, new priorities...

Excitement mingled with dread.
Push and pull.
Ahhh the tides of life they be.

Little Scars and Hidden Boo Boos

2010-06-10T16:27:00.008+07:00

It occurs to me that there is a fundamental difference in the way a child and an adult experience hurt.

In counseling children everyday - dealing with their physical and emotional injuries, I've learned that there is a fine line between coddling a child, and teaching them how to take things in stride.

The first time a tiny tot gets a cut, he cries like there's no tomorrow.
He's never experienced this intense pain before!
What will happen?
Will he die???
It feels terrible!!
Then an adult, all calm and confident, patches him up, kisses the little wound, and tells him it will be alright.
The child happily runs off to play - and learns that little cuts are a way of life.

Thus tenacity is learned.

But somewhere along the way... culture, society and experience teaches that same kid that he must be "tough" --
Real men don't cry.
Suck it up - that's life!
Don't be a wuss.

This morning, the teachers got a turn to play in the Bouncy Castle the school had rented for the kids. (You have to give it to teachers - we certainly know how to keep the child in us!)

There we were, laughing, screaming, pushing, sliding...
I then got the very clever idea in my head to slide down belly-down, head first...
... and as I reached the bottom of the slide, my left wrist stuck to the plastic slide and slipped underneath my torso.... *OWWIEEE!!*
Immediately, I masked my true feelings and stuck a smile on my face - I didn't let on of any injury - laughing and getting up as if nothing had happened - discreetly checking my wrist - it wasn't that bad. Heh.

Later on in the Teachers' Room, I discovered a few of my fellow "playmates" had collected plastic-burns from the slides. Of course, at the time of play, no one had shown any sign of injuries.

You know..., had we been little kids playing in that Bouncy Castle, the moment the injuries had occurred, we would've made loud screams or cried a little - seeking comfort and reassurance from anyone we could get it from.

Of course, because we are adults and that would just be ridiculous..., our little injuries went almost unnoticed.

But this trivial observation has made me wonder:
Do we adults hold our secret hurts and scars too closely to ourselves?
What walls of pride do we build around ourselves that prevent the people we care about from realizing that we are hurt and need a little reassurance and comfort? Thus inadvertently causing ourselves more injury...

Try this: Next time you feel that life has hurt you.. but your silly pride prevents you from calling a friend up..., or fear of rejection makes you hide your need for comfort..., remember ~~

People who love and care for you are a lot more understanding than you give them credit for.
Instead of rejection, a friend might just give you a smile and say...

"Don't worry. It's gonna be alright. I'm here."

And that will be enough to make the heart-booboo go away. :)

A Promise is a Promise (New Song)

2010-05-27T09:43:00.006+07:00

Just from time to time
I lose my faith and cry:
Lord, where are You?
Can You hear me?
Everything I knew, all I thought was true
Seems to be just one big white lie.
Or maybe I don’t want to hear You.
Thinking I can get my own way
Instead of listening when you say…

“A promise is a promise
And you know I promised you.
So rest your head now on My shoulder child
Love will come to you.
Don’t listen to those silent fears
I’m looking after you.
Oh a promise is a promise…
So believe and claim – it’s true.”

I know that You have plans for my own good
I lack the patience to wait on You
My vision gets obscured by feelings I have now
Doubt still lingers, hurt is so strong.
How can I believe what I can’t see?
Open up my heart to hear You speak into my life that

“A Promise is a promise
And you know I promised you.
So rest your head now on My shoulder child
Love will come to you.
Don’t listen to those silent fears
I’m looking after you.
Oh a promise is a promise…
So believe and claim... ”

When all the evidence goes against my intuition
Father You still hold tomorrow.
I’ll keep on holding on in faith
And remember Your mercies
I’ll let You be my strength & my hope…

Cuz a promise is a promise
And I know I promised You
To rest my head upon Your shoulder Lord
I will trust in You.
I won’t listen to those silent fears
I’m looking up to You
Oh a promise is a promise,
Oh a promise is a promise…
I believe and claim – it’s true.

Hold on, hold on, hold on to His promises
They're true....

Hustle Bustle - NEW SONG!!

2010-05-22T22:09:00.004+07:00

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN: Listen to Hustle Bustle.

Lyrics:

Hustle Bustle

I see you everyday
and hear the words you say.
We meet for coffee, dinner, work, and even play.

Our words can fill the space
that hovers round your face,
But do I really know you what's beneath your thick surface?

Hustle bustle round and round
I should take the time instead
to sit down on the ground.
Really learn to appreciate
every little thing you do and everything you hate.

When running to and fro
we often stop and go
Oh honey kiss me on the cheek now, don’t be slow.

But baby we have time to stop and make this rhyme
Just tell me what is on your heart
I promise to be kind.

Hustle bustle round and round
We can take our time instead
to sit down on the ground.
Really learn to appreciate
We can make a new start now, it’s really not too late.

~S.22052010~

Counting down....

2010-05-12T07:44:00.001+07:00

Well, I might as well do it in good 'ol blogging fashion - the Countdown till I move back to Sg:

MySpace-Countdowns

As Rin would say: COMMENCE FREAK OUT!

The absence of fear is but an illusion...

2010-05-10T18:52:00.006+07:00

I've always felt like I'm a pretty strong person.

Was never really afraid of the dark when I was a kid, never been one of those kinda girls to scream in terror at lizards or cockroaches (rather I merely release a little yelp and shudder in disgust).

I've weathered through some pretty tough situations and experiences - most of my peers cannot begin to fathom.

Admittedly, perhaps I grew up rather sheltered... protected by loving parents who tried their best to provide as much as they could, but more importantly teaching me strong values centered around the love of Christ.

I've also been the rather impulsive, emotional, impetuous type.
Took me a good 20 years to really understand that about myself.
I suspect it will take me more than that amount of time to adequately learn how to manage this impulsive nature.

Rather like a bull, I plough through situations and problems, confronting them head-on.

So it sure did startle me, when in the middle of some reflective thoughts today, I realized - I'm terribly afraid.

I'm afraid to give the men I meet a chance.
You know how it is -- when you first meet a person, chemistry (or none) dictates whether you shelve that person under the "friend", or "flame" category?
Well, suffice to say that my Male "friend" shelf is getting pretty crowded.

Honestly, I don't know anymore - what type of person I might want to be with.
IF I want to actually be with someone.
Sometimes I'm so busy with day-to-day activities..., perhaps it's best not to get emotionally involved with anyone.
Emotions are messy.

But isn't there a beauty in mess?

My thoughts run off....

Yes.
I am afraid.
I'm afraid to invest love only to find myself rejected, disappointed, unworthy...

Does this mean I am bereft of hope?
Absolutely not.
The presence of fear does not necessarily mean that hope is lost.

Right?

Full Circle

2010-04-26T16:10:00.005+07:00

Well, I've waited long enough to make this decision final and official - I'm moving back home to Singapore! :)

I'd say that there is a long list of reasons for me making this decision, but I'm going to just share the 2 most important ones with you:

Family. I've been away for long enough.
Music. This will be my 2nd "real" foray into music. But this time, I have fresh ideas, fresh perspectives, and (hopefully) my music and songwriting has developed & matured over the 6 years I was away from music as a profession.

To make a long story short...
The decision process:
I've always been very instinct-based/Spirit-led, and when I started to dream of Sg (and I'm not normally the type to get homesick) for no supposed reason, I started to wonder what was up.
So I kept my eyes and ears open for the "little signs" that God usually litters along the way - and sure enough, home was abeckonin'.

The time is right. It's now or never.

So come late June, I'll be back in Sg and raring to....
Though I'm surely going to miss friends here in Bangkok, and even the city itself (despite the political turmoil, this is still kinda my 2nd home).... it's going to be good to be with family and friends in Singapore again.

Unbeautiful (cover) - Video

2010-04-20T00:47:00.002+07:00

Made a video for my cover of Leslie Roy's Unbeautiful.
Hope you like it...

The Gym Song (ORIGINAL!)

2010-04-05T20:51:00.003+07:00

*cheesy grin*

(note: You can share and/or download the song if you like it. Please like it...)

The Gym Song

Wake up, go to the gym
It's time to get yourself moving
No one else can do the right thing for you, but you.

Takes a little will power
Each time, you will get stronger
Keep your eyes set on the prize
and just move, MOVE!

I know that you're tired
everyone around you is too,
but if you just give up today
then what will we all do? So...

Wake up, go to the gym
It's time to get yourself moving
No one else can do the right thing for you, but you.

I saw the RedShirts today....

2010-03-17T14:37:00.001+07:00

Photos here: Redshirts on Sukhumvit.

A Modern Woman's Valentine Day Plea

2010-02-10T19:36:00.011+07:00

A Modern Woman's Valentine Day Plea

You asked me why we haven't been in touch.
Why we're not as close now as before...

I stutter in amazement.
It's so obvious to me.
An outstretched hand was left wanting....
So turned away from thee.

These days, we women see the truth:
There's no sense in just waiting endlessly...
For romance
and being swept off your feet
are luxuries of eras past.

The modern woman faces her plight
with grace and dignity.
Her independence, wit, and intellect
by society so esteemed,
are double-edged deterrents
few a knight has truly seen.

So... modern man,
should you ever understand
the yearnings of a woman's heart
be gentle yet persistent for our love...
... and we promise to do our part.

A Modern Woman's Valentine's Day Plea by Shimona Kee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Rollercoasting Along....

2010-02-02T19:17:00.003+07:00

So you're lonely.
It doesn't matter if you're single, married, friendless or full-of-friends..., you still deal with those bouts of loneliness.

Some are more comfortable with loneliness than others.
Some get busy and try to ignore the looming feelings of despair and desolation.
Some soak and bask in it, listening to songs that tear your heart apart, relishing the loneliness - standing on the outside looking in.

But we all fool ourselves if we think we're really alone.

Because at the end of the day, just because you FEEL something, doesn't make it true.

Face it, human beings have emotions.
Not only that, but we have a wide spectrum of feelings and emotions.
And if there were no use for these emotions, we would not have been born with them.
(Think about that for a minute!)

In other words - there is nothing wrong with FEELING alone, afraid, confused, and melancholic..., wanting to fall into despair at the seemingly useless life you lead.

Everything fluctuates.
There is a natural ebb and flow to life..., and even our emotions need a kind of ebb and flow.
So why do we kick and fuss so much during the times when we hit those emotional bumps, making mountains out of molehills?
Well.. I guess that would be because we ARE human.

We ride an emotional rollercoaster - always new and different every day.
Our experiences and thoughts, genetics and learned reactions, shape the way we perceive all that we go through.... and just being IN the moment makes it all feel and seem so REAL and IMPORTANT at the point in time.

Truly, given enough times passes, the magnitude of our experiences often fade in importance.

So why not try this - next time you hit an Emotional Rollercoaster Bump, just remember that:

It's perfectly normal
You are not alone
It WILL pass
Things will get better/normalize

And if all else fails...., remember the most important thing:
God knows you can handle, and has a reason for challenging you in dealing with this Bump.

Now.... FIND IT.

At the turn of the decade....

2009-12-31T00:25:00.004+07:00

Almost 10 years ago, we saw the turn of the millenium.
Now here comes another decade.

So to say hello to the TWENTIES and goodbye to ol' TWO THOUSAND..... (I'm pretty sure we're gonna be saying 20-10 instead of two thousand and ten.... and 20-11, 20-12, and so and so forth)..., here's my shortlist of remarkable things that I've experienced and learned in this past decade. (Good and Bad, and in no particular order)

Studied and moved to another country - quite unintentionally really - I was never one of those Singaporeans who grew up dreaming of fleeing the country.... it just sort of happened!
Tried out 3 entirely different professions - Musician (2001-2004), Teacher (2008-2009), and now Counselor (2008-present).
Got back in touch with some old schoolmates.
Got married...., and divorced. Yeah, no comment.
Lost a precious brother (2007). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reuben_Kee
Learned to treasure family better.
Reconnected (several times) with God..., and finally learning to push past discomfiture and find the intention behind the trials.
Reconnected with songwriting (2008)
Dabbled in different styles of singing (jazz, pop, folk, classical, choir-conducting)
Learned to dance - jazz (2003), Thriller (2009),and now salsa!
"Experienced" 9-11 (2001) in Canada (was an hour away from landing in NY, when our plane got rerouted to Canada)
Graduated twice - Business (2001), and Psychology and Education (2008) with honours!!
Got back into classical piano, culminating in a recital (2006).., but unfortunately losing momentum now because I have no access to a piano anymore. Yeeessshhh....
Taught myself how to film and edit video..., which led to the eventual conception of W51.TV (2009).
Learned to be a lot more open to new cultures, new ideas, new worldviews, and most importantly - new people.
Learned to when to let go and when to hold on. I hope.
Got pushed off a Bungee Jump (2009).
Learned a new instrument - ukulele..., and semi-learned: flute.
Became a little more organized - thanks Google Calendar! ;)
Experienced some crazy Finnish exploits - ice-dipping and the sort.
Joined Facebook (2006 I think). 'Nuff said.
Won a TV singing competition (2001)
Got into yoga (2004). Then hot yoga (2008).
Learned to drive a motorbike (2004).
Learned to love mountain-biking (2005). (Boy, do I miss that now!)

Now.... to be fair, here is my projection for myself - for the next decade.

Learn to and become at LEAST moderately good at dancing.
Get my act together musically - record and get stuff OUT there.
Find a way to help the underprivileged with my musical proceeds.
Gain stability monetarily.
LEARN THAI.
Keep healthier eating habits. (It has already begun - with Chinese tea-drinking, and keeping snacks away from my living space)
Travel a LOT more. Hopefully... This might have a significant impact on #4.
Dependent on #4 - Learn to play the cello.
God willing, find love. For real this time.
Whatever else life throws my way!!!

I don't normally make resolutions - so I'll just keep these as projections.... sounds more likely that way eh? ;)

Happy New Year in advance everyone!

Merry Christmas everyone!

2009-12-25T11:53:00.003+07:00

Here's how we do Christmas in BKK:

And on a more serious note, here's my Christmas gift (in song) to you all:
CLICK LINK TO PLAY: http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/song_3028407

Video of the song here (sound quality is prolly not as good):

Attachments are Dangerous Things.

2009-12-03T20:35:00.002+07:00

We know about the evils of getting too attached to worldly possessions, lifestyles, etc.
But have you ever stopped to think about relational attachments?

Yes, it is important, very much so, to be appreciative and love the people who are in our lives.
But we must not grasp so tightly that we cannot let them go.

Life is transient and all things in life equally so.
To be too attached to the things of this life... and even the relationships of this life, that it hinders our growth or our ability to move on to new relationships..., well lately, I've been thinking it's a bigger problem then many care to admit.

Just that.
Just a thought.

COVER - Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xing (The Moon Represents My Heart)

2009-11-28T21:15:00.001+07:00

God Guides us ALL the Way.

2009-11-23T22:24:00.003+07:00

What happens when we allow God to work in our everyday lives?

Step 1: Conviction

This is the state of awareness.
The Spirit slowly brings to light the secret sins of our hearts - big or little.
Through the study of scripture, daily interactions with the community of Christ, and trials & tribulations..., we start to become increasingly aware of the areas of our lives that need to be changed.
The Still Small Voice gets louder and louder until our hearts hurt SO BAD with the need to seek God's forgiveness - allow Him to change our lives and be healed.

Step 2: Confession

This is where we learn to be completely vulnerable.
It is being willing to show others the "true" you - the parts that are not perfect and sometimes even shameful.
In confessing our sins and struggles to our brothers and sisters, we share our journey in Christ, and deepen our relationships - challenging concepts that are taught theoretically in church - concepts of love and acceptance, grace and mercy.

Step 3: Construction

It doesn't end with confession.
After we have become aware of our ugliness, and our INTENSE NEED for a Saviour, and hence are able to admit this to the people we love and care about (even despite fear of rejection), we then must learn to take a hold of GRACE.
This is the same grace that our Lord extends to every single person - whether they know it or not, whether they have become aware of their need for it or not, and whether they are able to accept it or not.
However, it is when we are able to reach out and grab this generous offer of grace God gives that we truly OWN the healing that God works in our lives:

"While God accepts us as we are He doesn't leave us as we are."

But you see, that doesn't mean that we merely confess with our lips and then leave it to God to do all the work! While Christ has paid the price of salvation, and grace is offered to all, we are called as followers of Christ to TAKE UP OUR CROSS DAILY:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Questions to ponder:

As a follower of Christ, how am I allowing God to break my life apart and consequently build me into the person that He wants me to be?
As a fellow believer, how can I react with love and grace when other people struggle with their sins? How can I be authentic in my interactions? - praying and loving Christ's lambs the way He would?
As a sinner seeing how I fall short of God's glory, how can I reach out for God's grace, accept the love and grace that might be given to me from the community of Christ, and have faith that God is weaving His beautiful masterplan in this unique tapestry of our lives?

Lord, may YOU be the moving force in our lives - that drives us to love and have mercy...., or that allows us to come before You with humble hearts and to stay in community with no shame, rather a common understanding of how we are all so alike and struggling together.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Day out with Charz & Dorz...

2009-11-23T11:14:00.001+07:00

Tonight's Bible Study - Mark 8:27-9:1

2009-11-18T21:18:00.001+07:00

My notes/response/ponderings... about what the passage teaches us about Christ's identity and thus our spiritual walk with God:

1. Who is God?
2. What is He doing in my life / my world?
3. What does He ask me to do in response (to 1 and 2)?

And.... conversely...
1. What illusions do I hold about who God is?
2. What illusions do I hold about how He works in my life / this world?
3. Am I imposing my own ideas on what I think God is asking me to do, instead of simply obeying what He tells me to do?

Do I struggle and rebuke God when things don't go according to how I think they should go because I think I know how God should work?.... (Like Peter), and what is God teaching me about His character and HIS work - in relation to why I am here on earth?

The Call - Rough Video Draft

2009-11-09T20:06:00.003+07:00

Am definitely going to record this song properly, but in the meantime, I've done a very rough video version of it.

Hope your ears are open and your heart understands. ;)

The Call (Original)

2009-11-08T15:19:00.006+07:00

The song that was born out of the crying mess God made of me this morning - when He planted the seed of sorrow for this world in me... and the burden to speak out against the silence - of the work that MUST be done.

The Call

Today I heard a man
He spoke of people suffering
Of little girls that fell prey to evil deeds of men.
I heard in lengthy details
And how the words pierced through my soul
I wept in silent agony, while my heart cried out, oh Lord!

What are we wasting our time on?
God, You’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and Your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

I went home still shaken
By the message I had heard
Wanting to help in any way
But not quite knowing how.
Then I had to do my laundry
And those bills –they have to be paid!
I’ve so much already on my plate
I forgot what I had heard

What are we doing every day?
Living our comfortable lives
What about the urgency?
The workers are so few.
How can we quickly just forget
The vision God placed on our hearts
We should see the world with Kingdom eyes
And love Your children as You do

BR:
Heal our eyes that we might see
Heal our ears that we might hear
Our hearts must understand
The Call to serve You...

What are we wasting our time on?
God, you’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

We are your hands
We are your feet
We are Your servants
Lord send us!

~S. Written 0811209.

It's beginning to feel a lot like...

2009-11-04T06:31:00.004+07:00

... winter! YAY!

2 days ago, it started getting a LOT cooler here in Bangkok.
So cool, I haven't turned my A/C on in more than 24 hours!
In fact, I woke this morning feeling chilled, and couldn't simply reach for the A/C remote and turn the A/C off.... had to close the windows. Heh.

So here we are in November, and just an inch away from 2010.
How time does fly.

School is getting to the point where everyone is crazybusy.
Teachers and staff look a tad insane because all our wonderful activities are crushed into the small time-bracket left for 2009.

Things have really changed at my school. What positive changes they have been too.
Everyone is learning a whole lot, and our school is definitely progressing in an upwards fashion.

On a personal note, the last few weeks have been... overloaded.
To the point where I succumbed to a cold virus for the first time in years. Eargh.
Forgot how sucky it is to be sick. Hahhahaa...

Anyway, I'm rushing off to work in just a bit, but wanted to blog a few glimpses I've had this last week:

In reflecting about what is life, and -- if I had just 4 minutes left on this earth, what I would say...

LIFE

It's not about...
money
health
beauty
conveniences
possession
having people you love physically with you
relationships with family and friends
feeling like you FIT
being happy
or satisfied with life
and especially not SELF...

For all is meaningless... a chasing after the wind.

RATHER,
it's ALL about
getting to know WHO GOD IS

EVERYTHING experienced in this life
is for the sole purpose of learning about WHO GOD IS
and letting His Character teach and seep into
your OWN life...
your work
your relationships
your activities
your mental/emotional state...
such that it is merely an overflow
of WHO GOD IS.

In fact,
one lifetime is possibly not enough!
That is how immense GOD is!

And so - the meaning of life..,
is wrapped around the Heart of God.
For without Him,
ALL is meaningless.
But FOR GOD,
ALL has meaning.
Even death itself.

Extra Long Episode this Week - W51.TV, Episode 6!!

2009-10-30T15:47:00.003+07:00

Getting back from mid-term break was especially hard - after a lazy week at the beach, and one crazy zombie-weekend, I dove straight into work with newfound fervour..., and now at the end of the week, am practically burnt out!

This has been one crrrrrrazy school week!

As testament to week gone by that was just jam-packed with activities and work, here is the product of HOURS upon HOURS of filming and editing:

Thrill the World '09 for Bangkok Refugee Center

2009-10-25T00:46:00.005+07:00

After conducting my first ever dance rehearsals, this is the result:

It was FANTASTIC! We danced in front of a crowd that covered the entire plaza at CentralWorld BKK - I'm not sure how many people there were, but THOUSANDS for sure! YIKES!

Then I our little segment ended with me singing Heal the World:

Yep, I've been a busy busy bee! =)

Krabi Countdown:

2009-10-13T21:52:00.003+07:00

4 days left!!!

FINALLY - after living in Thailand for 5 years, I'm FINALLY making it to the Southern beaches!
WOOHOO!!

Will be taking the overnight train to a nearby town, then bus to Krabi.
Can't wait!

Time is just zipping by at the moment - I anticipate Xmas slamming into my face in what will seem like but a few weeks.
This week I'm busy acting as stage manager for the Grade 4 & 5 Diwali (/Deepavali) celebrations. I've got Hindi music stuck in my head, and bangles and a bindi ready for tomorrow!

More this week:
- Leading my last Thrill the World dance rehearsal before I leave for Krabi. It's gonna be awesome!
- Checked out the King of the Jungle exhibition at Emporium Mall yesterday and today.
Here are some pics:

Made a double take at the sight of this creature - the Kangaroo Rat!

HE is powerful above ALL.

2009-10-08T17:50:00.005+07:00

My last post (Monday) was pretty despairing, I must admit... so lest you be misled into thinking that I've been spending my days miserable and confused.... I should give you an update.

I woke up Tuesday with prayers on my lips and the renewed strength of the Lord's guidance.

I realized that I had been under attack.
Satan up to his wiley old tricks again.
But no... this time I chose to remain in God's presence and not fear the devil.

My joy comes from the Lord.
So all it took was a simple surrender that God will fend off Satan's attacks.

And His blessed peace was on my heart once again.

I am not here on this earth to simply "feel good".

I am here for a purpose - and that is to show the Father's Love.
It's ok to be tired and dejected every so often.... being human and all.... but then we need to surrender even our tiredness and confusion to the Lord.... and let Him guide our thoughts and make our paths straight.

After all, this life on earth is so fleetingly brief.
Everything is meaningless like vapour... like wind.
Everything except God's Love - which goes on forever.
That is what we should and must focus on.

(No Need To) Rescue Me.... Won't You Hold My Hand?

2009-10-05T17:14:00.005+07:00

A while ago, I wrote in my fb status that I don't need a Prince to come rescue me on a white horse (anymore).

While that still stands..., I realize now that there needs to be a sort of balance.

I'm having one of those off days - where nothing about the day or what's happening is really the problem. Rather, it's all emotional and cognitive.

Exploring God's Will for my life whilst discovering the need to serve Him has been a wonderfully exhilarating experience. So exhilarating, I felt invincible for quite a while - equipped with His loving power.

I rode the "high" wave for quite a while... and it's been a while since I've felt this.... BLEAH.

So I think that "high" has laid a good ground for the current BLEAH wave I'm starting/crashing out on.

See, I'm one of those females that DON'T fall over when the wind blows.
Neither do I need constant validation to secure my belief in who I am as an individual.
However, I am still a woman.
I do still need affection and care and love.

So, yes, of course I resonate with resounding clarity when friends gripe about the lack of good, mature men left in the market.
I believe that my growth as an individual is helps to prepare me to be a better half.
But at the same time... I don't depend on it anymore - being an other half to someone.

Are you confused after reading all that?
You should be.
Because I don't quite get what I'm writing. Altogether.

Let's just say that on an average day, I'm happy to be carefree and single.
And today's not one of those days.
But I'm not about to up and do something stupid that I'll regret later.

I've done that once before.

Been a while...

2009-10-05T10:11:00.003+07:00

I've been busy.

B.U.S.Y.

Things that I've been working on lately:

Organizing and instructing dance rehearsals for Thrill the World BKK. *Gasp!* I can dance!
Filming, producing, editing W51.TV - our school's new "TV" show.
Developing proactive, preventative methods using positive psychology to fortify the kids at school against socio-emotional problems.
Making music for charity (Help Live concert)
Leading worship in church, and (this coming weekend) gonna be sharing the message...
Giving workshops, going to workshops/meetings (All to do with Education and Psychology)
Running!

Well, there's more but I won't bore you too much.

In the midst of it all, I'm praying for calm.... this week is gonna get busier again cuz no more interns to help me. Sigh.

I'll say this though - there has been increasing synthesis between my work and personal/spiritual life. Which is good.

Prayer Requests: (If you can, please join me in prayer)

All those affected by the earthquakes/tsunami.
Kristen's mom is still in a coma. Please pray for her and her family.
My job is my service to God - please pray that I receive wisdom in how to help the kids at this school learn more about love and kindness.

Some pics of yesterday's Rehearsal:

Episode 4

2009-09-30T06:29:00.000+07:00

Episode 3!!!

2009-09-18T23:55:00.002+07:00

YAY! Each successive episode gets better and better (or so we hope)!

We "pre-released" this episode at a Parent-Teacher Potluck... It was supposed to "air" on Monday (in school), but oh well! :p

Check out all my school-related videos HERE.

Where is my FAITH?

2009-09-14T21:17:00.003+07:00

Crunch time.

It's an easy thing, when studying the Bible, to make conclusions and "learn" lessons... when they are so far removed from our own lives.
(Most recently, we've been studying the Parable of the Sower in Mark, which was followed by Jesus calming the storm.)

But when someone asks a question in my life... in response to a current issue... and it is straight out of the Book... I can't help but feel appropriately and adequately chastised.

He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
(Mark 4:40)

The most difficult things in our lives that we have to deal with are old thought patterns, old fears, old habitual reactions.

A natural response to hurt is fear and avoidance (of any similar situation).
This causes a loss of hope.
Which essentially negates the presence of faith.

So one could say that fear of being hurt is at the crux of the matter.
We are simply not brave enough to have faith and allow ourselves to be broken by the Master in order to tear away all hurt.
It's a strange irony - that to take away hurt, one must first allow hurt.

So now I ask myself - Where is my faith?

Have I come full circle and not really learned anything?
Why am I so afraid?
Exactly WHO am I placing my faith in?
If I truly know and understand the God I put my faith in...., is it not a given that all hope is not lost?

Lord, change my perception.
Please.

Spirals and Spirals... what can I say?

2009-09-14T21:08:00.003+07:00

Some of us, it seems, go through the flames alone.

Even in reaching out, we are disappointed.
So we reach up.
He never fails.

But when will those around finally get it?
Do we concede defeat so easily, failing to claim His power in our lives?

Why is it that every single time I pray He sends someone, He answers the opposite.

What are you teaching me Lord?
How can I learn?
.... Because I surely must.

An inside looks at what happens during Hangout Times in the Counseling Room

2009-09-09T12:51:00.000+07:00

Little things that turn your day around.

2009-09-08T20:52:00.003+07:00

I was on my way home bone-weary and slightly grumpy... only to find that it was pouring.
ARGH!!!
Work clothes and bag full of papers do NOT make a rain-worthy combination!

So I popped into the small Family Mart on the curb before entering my soi and bought a blue plastic raincoat.

Five minutes later, I was happily plodding down my soi.
Bag safely under the coat.
I couldn't help but smile to myself - the last time I pranced around in the rain, donned in a raincoat, must have been when I was just a kid.

Ahhh... to be a kid. :)

W51.TV Episode 2!

2009-09-06T23:47:00.000+07:00

This is what I do...

2009-08-27T21:22:00.002+07:00

Curious about what a Counselor does?
Well... wonder no more!

Stay abreast with what I do via my new Counseling (School) Blog:

Learning Life!

Becoming Strong. A.K.A Submissive.

2009-08-23T21:02:00.004+07:00

Over the course of the week, I had some interesting chats with some friends.
One of the chats we had was about strength - how one can become strengthened by the Lord.

I've also been contemplating how God leads us from realization to obedience.

See, I've come to realize that the more you ask for the Holy Spirit's enlightenment in your life, the more you will receive. The little epiphanies will come fast and furious and you will be amazed at the amount of wisdom God showers down on you.
Wisdom about your own life and your place in His Kingdom.

But then... here comes the hard part - obeying what you now KNOW you need to do.

God does not lead us to "easy truths".
Many times the wisdom He imparts to us really, really hurt!
More often that not, we instinctively want to pull the reins of control back from Him and live life on our own terms again - despite knowing the havoc this will wreak.

So truly... the hardest part about God's wisdom is not so much understanding it... but OBEYING it.
Obeying Him.

I'm not the most submissive of people.
ANYONE who knows me can easily confirm this. Heh...
So lately I've been struggling with some simple truths and how to live these truths in my life - even when it goes against my headstrong nature.... especially when it goes against my habits and feelings.

The latest revelation that God has blessed me with is the understanding that "knowing" is not enough. Becoming aware of your shortcomings and need to change is just the first step.
The crunch is in "putting your money where your mouth is".
Even in the HARD stuff.
Because honestly, it's easy for us to claim the victories which come at little or no cost - the stuff that is easy for us to change and feel-good about.
The stuff that doesn't really break us.
Not really.

Yep... I've been struggling with some matters of obedience lately.
In terms of my temperament and instinctual reaction to daily matters... and even how I live my independent, now-swinging single life.

Then today, after struggling with 2 such matters and seemingly "overcoming" them, the Spirit whispered a gentle realization to me... about strength:

True strength, when faced with life's hardships and temptations, is not strength that comes about from my own person.
Rather... it is the strength that comes from God that helps me defeat trials.
Furthermore (and this is the important part), it is only in OBEDIENCE and submission that I am able to receive this strength.
So... ironically, I am strongest in the Lord when I am most obedient/soft/weak TO HIM.

What beautiful release this has given me.
God does his most powerful work in me when I simply surrender.
There's no need to struggle against the grain anymore... rather in learning to surrender my pride and old ways of doing things; old ways of thinking... I gain God's infinite power.

It is true what the bible says - I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Lastly, and most reassuringly, the Holy Spirit brings is able to bring a person from a hardened state... to realization... to humble obedience.
What a relief!
And what an amazing thing.
Just look how much God loves us - He brings us every step of the way.

All we need to do is ask Him to do it.

Back in the swing of things...

2009-08-16T17:28:00.006+07:00

I guess it's been a while since I've written - really written about what's going on in my life.
Maybe cuz there's been so much!

I'll start with the "lighter" stuff before getting deeper.

Last night I played for a charity gig - the August Bangkok Tweetup organized by In Search of Sanuk. It went swimmingly! Admittedly, it was a little challenging - being a one-woman band playing for such a noisy crowd. But I knew they were having a great time and couldn't help the noise level. Hope I didn't come across to pissy asking them to shut up hahahahahahaa... It's just - unless you have been a solo performer, it's really hard to explain how frustrating it can be (and challenging) singing to a crowd that is too busy shouting at each other than listening.
(tho I know there were some avid listeners, and I was very very thankful for that!)

Anyway, 2 weeks before the gig, I came up with an idea - to make a "Fan Card" to give to people at my shows - just to publicize my music. Yes, it's time to get serious about my music - I did say I'm getting serious now!

So I approached my good friend Deanna cuz she does great designs.

Here's the finished creations (modelled by my gals).

Charmaine, Chervie, Deanna.

Fiona and Laura.

Simply Shimona! ;)

You can read her blog post on the process by which Deanna designed my cards. (I chose 3 designs for print, in the end)

It's been a while since I've posted pics up.... so here are some from last night:

Dolled up for the gig, and ready to go!

Mini-MC Reunion!??!

Look at this MC Alumni crowd! It was awesome! (I didn't even get a proper shot with all the MC alumni in.... too bad.)

Serenading the hot night away....

****

Work this year is different.
I have a completely different role, new challenges, and a new approach to work: it is not my work - it is God's.

I finally came to the realization that I'm not here simply because this is what I like to do, but because it is what I have been called by God to do.
It's very easy to separate spiritual matters from work... but why... really?
Every minute that I live, I am called to live for God.
What I do at work, and how I do my job is no different.
So now I'm learning to let God teach me what I need to do at work... and also to go to Him for advise. Instead of leaning on my faulty human intellect/emotions.

****

Friends/Family/Community

This aspect of my life has been a very interest facet. Well, ok... obviously, it always is - but I've been thinking and praying about it all lot more lately.

The people we interact with - whether it's the family that God chose for us to be born in, or the friends that we make... are put together for a purpose - the purpose of refinement and workign towards spiritual maturity.

One thing I noticed, pre-dominantly in the female friends I have... is that we go through SO much of the same struggles.
Relationships are tough.
Whether they be platonic friendships or more intimate relationships, or familial ones.
We human beings are so prone to muck up everything because of our own selfish desires... and just lose sight of the bigger picture altogether.

Then we have to most important relationship of all - the one that we are so lucky to be able to have - the one with our Creator.

Weighing all the time I spend contemplating my human relationships, how much time do I spend pursuing my relationship with God?

Food for thought..... ;)

****

There's so much more... but I've gotten lazy to write. hahahahaha...
So I'm just gonna post some more pics of my activities over the last few weeks.

This is what I look like driving to work every morning. The glasses are to stop the dust from getting in my eyes. Why ELSE would I wear pink glasses??? :p

The chaos that IS my Counseling Room every lunch hour. (It doesn't LOOK too chaotic, but trust me - you can't HEAR what it's really like!)

Staff "Field Trip" - on the way to a fab Mexican Buffet.

Enjoying the fantastic food... Mmm....

Teachers at work - Staff Training session. (We work hard and play hard!)

I FINALLY got to see the fountain outside the park near my house in action. :)

Dinner with Charz and Ben (not pictured) at our newly dubbed favourite restaurant!

Fooling around with a guard's cap. SSSssshhhh!!

Cute earrings! :p

My flooded soi - the day I wore my gum boots to school (Friday) and STILL got my feet wet.

FREEZE!!

2009-08-09T21:44:00.001+07:00

A weird phenomenon where a bunch of people suddenly found themselves frozen in place took place this afternoon at CentralWorld, Bangkok.

Check it out:

Sometimes I feel like rebuking the world we live in.

2009-08-07T21:33:00.006+07:00

When will we realize that WE ARE NOT ALONE??

We are often our own worst enemies.
We tear ourselves apart with our insecurities and frustrations because of the ruts we inevitably get into trying to change ourselves for the better, only to come up losers.

Don't we realize that it's impossible for us alone, but not for God?

Is God not stronger than sin?
Has He not defeated death and separation?
Surely He is stronger that "self"!??
Can He not conquer ANYTHING in our lives?

Yet... why do we choose to give in to the darkness??????

That's all the words I can muster up right now.

Break These Walls - FAN EXCLUSIVE DOWNLOAD!

2009-08-03T21:49:00.003+07:00

For the first time, I'm making my music available for download!
Well, ok, just 1 song... but it's a start... AND it's free.

IF you're a fan.

All you have to do is sign up (for free) at ReverbNation.com/shimona and click on "Become a Fan", and you can download my most recent song, "Break These Walls".

Now that I'm really starting to work on my music, I really need and appreciate your support. I'll be making more videos and music available for download.
Also, if you're a fan, I'll occasionally be writing up about the stories behind the conceptions of selected songs. I'm not a songwriter by demand... I write what God inspires me to write.
So each song has a special story behind it.
That's coming up....

In the meantime, enjoy "Break These Walls". ;)

I found this out about 10 years ago... but it's still true today:

2009-08-03T15:29:00.004+07:00

I am an ENFP.

Dominant Extraverted Intuition

Words, ideas and possibilities spew effortlessly from them. Words are their best friends. They dance around ideas, the more, the merrier. Imaginative, spontaneous, original and enthusiastic, they have a knack for seeing other possibilities, other dreams and options. The world is never as it is but as it could be, as if it were but an artists sketch begging for colour. They initiate change and often are prone to trespassing a few known boundaries to take themselves and others where no one has been before. The status quo tends to lack inspiration.

When inspired, they are fearless and tireless. Their energy will know no limits unless red tape takes over. Routine drags them down. Their faith in possibilities and belief in the benefit of change often inspire others to follow. They are challenging, ingenious and innovative. They will give their best to what appears to be an impossible challenge, a place unknown to man or beast.

They use metaphors, stories, images and analogies to make their point.They love theories and often shape their own. They see patterns emerging. Keen improvisers, they are rarely caught off guard, there is always something up their sleeve. The sky is the only limit.

They are sometimes entertainers, artists or otherwise engaged in public demonstrations that allow their ideas to bloom. Their greatest difficulty is not in initiating projects but in choosing among so many possibilities, setting realistic boundaries, establishing priorities and correctly assessing resources.

I wasn't so impressed 10 years ago... finding out my personality. But now, I'm somehow pleased. Perhaps this shows that I now know myself better and an comfortable with who I am. :)

Break These Walls

2009-08-01T23:29:00.002+07:00

Tired of lying to all, even I don’t believe me
Make believe to the world that I’m doing OK
Why do I put on a show when I know that You hear me?
The only way out is if I just give in to Your power...

Break these walls
Lord and soften me
I need Your Spirit
Bend me and break me, oh...
I don’t know where You’re taking me
But now that I’m on my knees
Won’t You please help me?

I am no stranger to feeling so extraterrestrial.
Put up defences - I think I’m stronger than before
Learning the hard way should really just teach me a lesson.
This time I won’t wait – I’ll give in right now to The Lord...

Br:
Hands raised to Heaven
I offer my life oh-so broken
Put a stop to these thoughts racing inside my head.
God of the Heavens I know You supply all the answers
So take me and piece me together in a way You see fit.

Lyrics & song written on Aug 1st, 2009.

Related/Partly inspired by THIS blog entry.

"Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch..."

2009-07-31T21:39:00.002+07:00

What is with this insanely useless and ironic instinct we humans possess to put up fronts so that we appear "altogether there"???

We are so obviously NOT.
Least of all me.

Mindfulness & Thankfulness

2009-07-30T21:37:00.008+07:00

The last few days I've been leading out morning meditation exercises for our school's Staff Training sessions. Then tonight, while fighting to focus on some difficult positions in Hot Yoga , I was reminded of some very important life lessons.

I will share two of them with you today.

First and foremost is mindfulness.
Simply put, paying attention selectively.

Modern society bombards the individual with a myriad of (sometimes useless) stimuli. Nevermind that naturally, our senses are already on overload, nowadays we also have to contend with technology, the media, traffic. Ha!

And then we wonder why we have so much difficulty focusing on the things that matter.
Well, firstly, each person's brain is made, developed, and used uniquely. And the differences in the activation of our brain often causes differences in our overt behaviours - whether we are aware of it or not.

Hence I cannot stress enough the importance of intentionally selecting what we pay attention to and practising keeping that attention on that one thing.
This can range from simply paying attention to a simple task one is carrying out, to writing a long essay, critically solving a difficult problem.

Without attention, there is no processing, no retention, and no recall.
In other words, no learning.
Ok, perhaps there is not a complete absence of learning... since our cells can still learn and remember things on a physical cellular level.

How to practice paying attention you ask?
Well, there are many ways.
Just the simple awareness that you want to pay more attention sometimes is half the battle won.
Start noticing when you "tune out" and make an effort to pay more attention whenever you are presented with a familiar "tune out" situation.

For example, when someone is telling you a long story about what happened on the way home today... You suddenly find yourself drifting off, wondering what you should eat for lunch, who sent you an email, what book to read tonight before going to bed...
Instead, once that person starts telling a story, tell yourself to pay attention.
Actively look at the person, try to visualize what he/she is saying...
The more you do it, the easier it will become!

Next, there is meditation. (Of course I would get around to that at some point!)
When, in meditation, you start to block off all the senses one by one, you are selectively paying attention.
Next, keep talking to yourself, telling yourself to focus on the sound of your breath.
As your breathing gets longer, deeper, louder, and more rhythmic, you might find your mind wandering. Each time it does so, just acknowledge that it did, push the thought away, and continue to focus on the breath.
Patience.
Patience and lots of practice.

It is important to develop this ability to live life mindfully.
Without it, our lives would pass us by unknowingly and without purpose.
Living life with awareness is essential to living a rich purposeful life!

Now, this awareness of mindfulness brings me to the second important life lesson:
Thankfulness.

As you can see, the slogan of my blog is "Thankfulness is the Beginning of Happiness".
Sometimes the only hindrance to thankfulness is the lack of mindful appreciation.

If we take this time, for example, to examine the breath again.
What a wonderful, frequent and yet much taken for granted reflex/habit this is!
As you pay attention to your breath, you start noticing how it feels when you breathe in and out...
How do you feel if you stave off the inhale for a little longer than usual ?
You feel deprived and flooded with relief once you finally take in the air that you so long for.
The fact is that breathing is life-giving... and that we are such fragile creatures living in a fragile temporary world...

How ironic it is that we can so easily take each breath of life and not even realize it!
So when one practices mindful breathing, one can bring to the forefront a newfound gratefulness for life itself. A gratefulness to our Creator for giving us this Breath of Life.... and for sustaining it.
In addition, an awe that despite our shameful negligence to continually praise God for this ability to breathe, here we are... still alive, still breathing, still not realizing the importance of the breath.

What a generous, forgiving Lord we serve.
How undeserving we are.

And how great the concept of Grace truly is...
When approached with mindfulness and thankfulness.

I have just shared with you the source of my happiness... :)

A poem to remind you to...

2009-07-30T16:32:00.001+07:00

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

I jumped.... and fell and fell and fell....

2009-07-19T22:39:00.009+07:00

Bungee Jumping.

Oh. WOW.

What I was about to do didn't really hit me till I was nearing the top of the crane and the air got real quiet and trees got real small.
We hit the top, and with no fanfare at all, the slightly bored Thai guy unlatched the gate and said, OK.

I waddled (feet were bound and protected tight by the safety gear) to the edge, and realized too late - I had looked down.
YIKES!

The guy's voice floated from behind me "OK, 1, 2, 3!!"

I hadn't moved an inch.
- Still hanging on to the gate in trepedition.

"OK," he said. "Try again. 1, 2, 3!!"

Still there.

I couldn't move!
Fear paralyzed me and despite how many times (in my head) I told my hands to let go of the gate, they just would not obey me.

"Let go your hands." The voice said.
Weirdly enough, I obediently let go of the gate when the voice other than my own said it.

"Now step nearer to the edge" The voice again.
I took 2 tiny steps (about 5cm) forward to the very edge.

Then... Again.
"1, 2, 3!!"

This time, I found myself bounding through the air, the pit of my stomach collecting in my throat with disbelief as I sucked in white, white clouds.
I kept falling, and falling... and then suddenly, there was a small tug on my feet and my body relaxed again - gravity no longer had complete hold over me.
I had reached the end of the cord and bounced back up.

As I swung though the air, I was delirious with relief and exhilaration.
It was still peaceful in the air.
I felt like a slightly dislodged bird.

After the staff hauled me back to the ground and undid my safety bindings, I lay amazed and quite euphoric on the mat for a minute and took it all in.
Had I actually jumped... no, been pushed off a crane 60 meters above the ground??
Am I crazy????

Hmmm...

Funny, even hours after the act, just the retelling of it has my heart and adrenaline pumping again. Well, one thing's for sure - I didn't really conquer any fear of heights doing that - having been pushed off and all... but now, at the end of the day, it seems I've learned something.

Sometimes we need someone else to reaffirm what we have to do.
To say out loud what we are saying to ourselves.
Sometimes we need that push to get going.

But first, we have to let go.
Let go of the fear, let go of the "what-ifs".
And take that tiny first step.

Honestly, what I feared had more to do with the height than any mortal danger.
When that cord "kicked in" and rebounded me back up in the air, I wasn't surprised - I had faith that it would happen - that I would be "caught".

Sometimes it's really the first step that is the most frightening.
But even if we can't make that first step on our own, all we need to do is let go...

I'm a speck, but here's the video of my jump:

UPDATED: Here's an edited video of all our jumps.

I'm a slave to Adobe Audition.

2009-07-17T06:12:00.003+07:00

... well, at least until I get a better software.

But for now, it's getting the job done, and I'm totally hooked!
Added "Lonesome Tune" to the top of the LIST .

Wrote it some 10-11 years ago.
Wanted to go for a very dreamy, pensive, lonely yet hopeful feel.
Totally had fun doing the backup vocals...
At one point, I had to stand about 2 feet away from the microphone cuz I was belting, classical-style, those high notes (last part of the song).

Hope you like it. :)

8 Years Later...

2009-07-16T21:09:00.002+07:00

... I recorded the first song on THIS list.
Scroll down the list and you'll find the version I recorded back in 2001.

Happy listening! :)
(I'm still learning my way around the software btw, so excuse any production eccentricities.)

First Steps...

2009-07-16T01:18:00.004+07:00

I don't know why I didn't do it before.
I guess I just needed a push or some inspiration and encouragement....

Won't divulge details yet, but there have been people who have come into my life within the last week and I know it is no accident that our paths crossed.

So... I downloaded a 30-day trial for Adobe Audition 3.0 today and laid my first multi-tracked song in YEARS.
Couldn't do it before cuz the program that my Sony Vaio came with didn't have multi-tracking capabilities. I know... lame excuse.
Let's just say - if you really wanna do something, nothing can/should stop you.
But if you don't, anything is an excuse.

So... played around with it for 2 hours getting to know the software, and came up with this:
The Prayer of Jabez
(first song on the list)

I wrote this song about 10 years ago (or more... can't remember) and it's resurfaced in the minds/ears of some of my friends lately due to the unfortunate passing of another who used to be a part of Jabez. First my brother Reuben, now Edwin.
Sigh.

So this song is for Edwin.
And all those hurting from the pain that separation from death deals us.
Hang on - we have a greater hope... and promise to claim in His name.

Tap, tap, tap....

2009-07-14T23:35:00.003+07:00

5 years ago, I told God that I would never make music just for me again.
And then I closed the door on the music industry.

Not before making Him a promise.
I promised Him that should the time come for me to sing for Him, when He felt that I was "right" to do it - right in my heart... that I would.
But how could I know if that time ever came?

I've basically taken on a laid-back approach - music became a sideline, a hobby.
I folded it up and tucked it neatly aside.
I couldn't even really write songs for years.

But over the last year, I've had little signs.
First, I got the rights to all my old songs contracted back to me.
Second, I started to write again.
And now, there suddenly have been doors open to me... in the direction of recording.

Whatever happens next, I know that I'm not running away anymore.
I will answer His call.

Why We Must Thrive

2009-07-11T22:51:00.003+07:00

In the face of tragedy and despair, we often ask ourselves:
How will I survive this?

But is merely surviving enough?

Death is part and parcel of life.
So is suffering, pain, heartache, separation, and disease.
But to simply lie down and admit defeat to the infirmities of life would be totally unfair to our Creator.

With each successive brush with the issue of mortality, I have come to notice that there is a pattern in my reaction:

Shock
Anger
Grief
Despair
Numbness
More grief
Surrender
and finally, a passionate gusto to grab life by the balls and LIVE IT UP.

And then, quite possibly, the cycle repeats at a lower intensity.

Each person reacts seemingly differently, and yet there are distinct similarities.
For those who must continue our journey can only do so by finding a reason.

Life needs a purpose.
You cannot just live it blindly.
But you don't need to sweat it either.
Because sometimes all you need to do to find that reason to live your life... is to take one breath at a time.

****

When I first heard the news of Edwin's demise a few days ago, I went into immediate shock and denial.
But when grief finally found me, the only way to drive it out was to cry out to God for peace.
And it came.
As sure as the next morning.

I fear for those who think they have to bear the grief alone.
For that is entirely untrue.
The biggest lie you can EVER tell yourself is that you are alone.
We are more alike than you can imagine.
You and me.
Our hearts break with the same intensity.
They just do not appear to be the same sometimes.
But in reaching out to one another, we can find solace.

That is why God created communities.
That is what the church is all about.
In this close-knit, albeit imperfect network of human relations, we find our purpose in life - to learn to love each other, to enrich others' lives.... to bear with each other.
To give and receive.

And in that act, somehow, we will not just survive, but thrive.

****

Rest in peace Edwin. Till we meet again...

Rest My Dear Brother, Rest.

2009-07-09T11:46:00.003+07:00

Reuben would've turned a quarter of a century old today.

Instead, he will remain 23 in our hearts and minds always.
And the hole in our hearts and lives will never be filled.

My New Ride!

2009-07-08T10:21:00.006+07:00

Been just a flurry of activities since I got back to bkk.
At first, it felt kinda strange and slightly depressing (the night I got back) - being suddenly all alone, after having the company of my parents for the last month.... but I think I'm adjusting back to being alone again.

Proof that despite my extrovertness, I am a true introvert - I love my space and alone-time. :)

So... yesterday, with the help of a friend from church (thanks Bun!), I managed to purchase a brand new Yamaha Fino! And of course He christened it with showers of blessings from above as soon as we bought it and Bun drove it back to my place from the store. Heh.

Without further ado, I give you.....
FOXY FINO!!!

Ain't she a beauty? :)
Complete with cute box & tiny windshield. Ehehehehe....
I decided on brown despite being tempted by a sexy hottt pink one... cuz I figured the less attention I draw to myself/mybike the less likely to be pulled over by cops and the less likely bike thieves will try to steal my bike. (YES, I bought a chain lock too - u can see it in the pic if u look closely.)
Anyway, brown is totally retro... AND it's the colour of CHOCOLATE. How can u beat that????

Now... before you get all paranoid and give me the too-familiar lecture about how dangerous driving around bkk is... lemme just say - Foxy Fino is a neighbourhood fox. No main roads or highways. Only back sois. I even bought a Bangkok street map (it's a thick book not unlike the Singapore Street Directory) to map my way around the little sois behind my house.

Now, you'll have to excuse me - it's time to explore the neighbourhood and have some lunch! :)

Imperfect Perfection.

2009-07-05T21:34:00.004+07:00

Some of the most beautiful music I've heard is not perfect.
Like a note sung slightly too high.
Or an intake of breathe too audible in a vocal track.
Or one pizzicato-ed note just out of time.
In fact, without the little hiccups that are barely detected, the song would somehow not be as perfect.
You know what I mean?

So it is, I believe, with our relationships.
It is in the imperfections of our own characters...
... and the imperfections in which we interact with each other
that we are made some kind of perfect whole.

Thus the idea of community.
Thus the idea of love.

The words that cannot leave these lips...

2009-07-02T20:56:00.004+07:00

People who know me may find this hard to believe..., but the true reason I write/blog is because so often the words form in my brain and twirl around in my mouth, but never leave my lips.

Why?
Perhaps it's some of the leftover shyness I had as a child.
Or maybe writing it feels a little more detached, hence safer.

There is also a kind of beauty in words.
And I'm not one of those people who can muster together strings of word that can be coherently verbalized out loud on a whim.
Most times, the words churn around in my mind for a while before they can settle in some kind of sense.
And then they lie plastered on the inside of my lips.
They just won't exit.
At times some other words do instead.

Above all, and I think this idea will probably resonate with many other people who write or use creative outlets, expressing oneself in some roundabout manner allows the option for the people around us to care.
Without the fear of immediate rejection.

It's like saying, "Hey, here are the words that show my heart on a string.
Reply if you understand and care for me."

I guess it's just really, really, REALLY hard for us to actually come out and say things like that.

I Hear Music!

2009-06-30T22:20:00.002+07:00

Some people see pictures and colours.

Despite being a pretty visual person myself, I sure do hear music.
All the time.

Ask me - at any random moment - to sing the song I have in my head.
I might not always be able to tell you the title and artist, but I can assure you I always have a song in my head.
I'm not just talking about the tune either.
We're talking full-blown, down to the instruments and little nuances type of music.

Sometimes I wake in the morning with echoes of an orchestra in my ears.
The roar gives in to silence so suddenly that I feel jolted to consciousness by the mere contrast.

Life After Death

2009-06-26T20:35:00.007+07:00

Her fingers were soft and bony at the same time.
As I fought back tears, she patted my hand... reassuring me instead.

How strange, I thought, that she should be comforting me instead when she is the one in pain.

Death has a different flavour when it comes slowly.

When death came suddenly, we reacted with equal force.
We raised our fists to the sky in indignation and anger, only to fall into heavenly arms in defeat and surrender.

Life, in turn, had to be fought for.
Thickly, as if underwater, we carried on with our daily rituals, looking for reasons to live on.

I found myself loving life with gusto.
Resolute that no matter how tough the going got, I would always find a way to live life passionately and fully.
Because we never know when life may be cut short.
Death is just a part of life - we all die in the end.

But another part of life... is disease.
Youth is so often taken for granted - not just because we seem to have boundless amounts energy and optimism for the future, but also because our bodies have not begun to break down yet.

We make silly choices and develop hazardous habits that often takes a toll on our bodies when we are much older.

By then, it is too late to say, "Oh, I really shouldn't have done that."
Instead, we must deal with the consequences of those poor choices.

This is but a fact of life.

But my grandma has always been strong.
Strong-minded, strong-willed, and always bustling in the kitchen.
I remember the big difference in her character when she accepted God somewhere in my teenage years.
Her life, as far as I remember, has been one of service to others.
So I know how hard it is for her to be sick - waiting for death to finally come for her.
Not able to cook for others or wash the dishes.
Instead, having to depend on the love and kindness of the people around her.
It must be hard for her.
It is already infinitely hard for the people who love her to see her like this.

And as I held my grandma's hand, and watched my mother cry because grandma was suffering, a thought flew through my mind:

The wages of sin... is death?
Perhaps not immediately...
Because at this point, I think that death might be a welcome relief to this disease.
Maybe in this case, the wages of sin is pain and suffering, and any imperfection of life.

The last weekend of our Sydney trip, we visited the local Adventist church.
And as I sat quietly (albeit uncharacteristically silently) listening to their Sabbath school lesson... they briefly talked about sin.

What is sin?

Theologically there are many types of sin defined in the bible.
But the one that remains the most "personal" to me is the definition that sin is "falling short of the mark".
It is anything which separates us from God.

I've begun to taste the truth in this.
The consequences of sin can be seen in all aspects of life - for ALL have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God.
These consequences include:
- broken relationships with our fellow man.
- the slow but sure degeneration of our bodies which lead to either disease, or death, or both.

Watching my grandma suffer physical pain as cancer slowly takes over her body, and then the emotional pain her loved ones go through as well - her childrens' eyes grow sad and cold with grief over her suffering... I understood.

This is the promise - the wonderful gift that God has given to us, made possible by His Son.
That there IS a world with none of this - a world with no sin - where we are no longer separated from the Life-Giver. Where the imperfections of this world that plague us, will be no more.
Neither death, nor disease, nor emotional suffering.

This morning, I awoke to the news that Michael Jackson had died.
Funny, because through a thick haze of sleep, my immediate reaction was one of shock but compassion:
Good for him, I thought, because he surely was not happy living his life here on earth.
His suffering has now come to an end.

Many say that MJ was "wacko".
But I think he was merely a person who believed in the beauty and innocence of life, and that longing for perfection was what seemed so strange to the rest of a disbelieving world.
He could not live his life "normally" because he was one of the few people who had the heart of a child. He pursued perfection through all the wrong means possible, seeking healing by sinking into repression/denial, drugs to numb the pain...
In other words - when faced with the realities of life, imperfect in all its facets, he simply could not deal.
(Don't quote me - that's just my opinion!)

The issues of death and the imperfection of life... so real and so tangible to me, especially in the last few years, have only led me to think this:

We should appreciate every wonderfully unique moment that life presents us.
No two sunsets will ever look the same.
Even within the same sunset, each moment is a new work of art.

Yet, while living each moment, we should also plan for the next.
We must invest in our future - our old age.
Make good dietary and physical choices while we are young.
Form good habit on how to live life - whether they be physical habits or cognitive habits.
For we all get old, but God has given us wisdom on how to live healthily and fully.

Most importantly, we do not need to despair.
When death and disease and suffering comes our way.
For they are to be expected in a life separated from God.
We must hold our heads up high, and lift our voices in praise - for the Conqueror has overcome all that separates us....
...and one day, we shall meet our Hero -
The God who cries with us each time we face these trials in life.
The Saviour who has conquered death and has deemed us somehow worthy to live perfect lives one day.

We will finally live how we were meant to live - when our Creator made us in all perfection.

So pursue an authentic relationship with Christ.
Get to know your family.
Keep in touch with your friends.
Put to practice the wisdom given by the bible on how to live life well.

I wonder how my grandma will look like when I meet her in that perfection.
She must have been a beautiful young girl.

********

Lullaby for Grandma

Up where the stars are
the night wind blows soft.
Moon shines a lullaby
Magic aloft.

Sleep must come silently
to those who have waited long
for dreams to
rest on
the eyelids
that needed sleep to rest their soul.

Hands clasped together
Lips pursed so tight.
Eyes cast to Heaven,
Where are You tonight?

Do You hear all my prayers?
Every word lifted up
by Your own
Angels
who hold us
and never leave us all alone.

Up where the stars are
the night wind blows soft....

~S.21062009~

Heartprints

2009-06-25T11:24:00.002+07:00

As I browsed through my friends' profiles on facebook, I felt a familiar sentimental tug.

Yes, people do come in and out of our lives, but then there are the handful, who, despite making a so-called "exit", still remain in our lives.

The challenge is keeping up with everyone's lives.

As our paths cross, part, and continue to meander along in life... sometimes it feel as if we are more than those physical seas apart.

And then other times it feels as if we are not that far apart after all.

There is a fine balance to be sought.
(pardon this weird blog-entry. My thoughts are coming in drips and drabs and sporadically)
Keeping in touch is important.
Knowing what's going on in each others' lives, keeping conversation going, and yet... having faith that when conversation dries up, well, that the people we care about still care for us.

Lately though, I've been learning the importance of keeping up.
We are human beings after all... and yes, though we might just be able to "pick it up where we left off" whenever we meet up again,
the world is a big place, and the people we care for are many.

Why not drop an email or two, or skype each other now and then?
Rather than take for granted that "we'll meet some day and things'll be just like they were"....

Cuz things do change.
People get older.
Experiences wear us thin.
And those who "stay" in our lives are the ones whom we often really feel care for us.

His Eye is on the Sparrow...

2009-06-24T21:40:00.003+07:00

2 weeks spend "down under" - in Sydney Australia... what an experience!

I think I enjoyed the beauty of God's creations immensely - truly the highlight - the scenery, the clean mountain air, the animals.

This is one of my favourite pics from the trip. Took it while sitting alfresco after finishing lunch.
It's interesting how one's perspective can be altered just by having a camera in one's hands.
I was constantly on the lookout... and doubt I would've seen some of the little details I did - had I not had a camera to capture the moment.
I guess having the intention adds awareness.

Here's another pic that really captured the magnificence of God's creations:

I took close to 5 gigs of pics. Yeah. I know.
So... here's a selection of pics: in this album.

Spinning Round to Stand Still...

2009-06-09T16:13:00.002+07:00

Coming back home has been... interesting.

I've often talked about death - since my brother's...
But really, death is easy. Living is hard.

I don't mean that in a bad sense though.
I still firmly believe that though living is hard, it can be richly rewarding and joyful.
Living is a choice too.
Because one can be alive, but not truly be living.

Watching my grandma, who is in the final stage of cancer, and basically waiting to die (but aren't we all really?), I find myself wondering what it must be like for her to be on the brink of death... to have lived almost a century.
She lived through wars, an arranged marriage, and various other hardships.
Most of all, I remember the difference in her personality and outlook on life ever since she made the choice to follow God.

As our lives unfold, are we carried along as if by the currents of the sea?
Or do we learn to swim, enjoy the feel of the water, surf, boat... you get the picture/analogy. Heh.

I've had this song stuck in my head since the day b4 I came to Sg.
Then I found this YouTube vid of the song - representing the 3 stages of life a girl goes through.
I'd say every human being goes through.

When it's time to go, will I be ready?
But in the meantime, will I choose to live my life with passion, zest, and love?

I surely hope so.

sobsob!!

2009-06-05T12:52:00.003+07:00

The classroom is empty, the walls are all bare.
The children have left, now I sit here and stare....

.... for a while that is.
Now I have to pack all my stuff up - moving from the classroom to the counselling room.

Next school year is gonna be interesting.
I have my work cut out for me.
:)

I miss them already!!!!
BOOOOOHHHOOOOO.......

Oh to be a kid again....

2009-06-03T16:11:00.002+07:00

Brought my class and the whole lower elementary to the FUNARIUM (Yeah, I know right...? Who the heck came up with that name!??!) yesterday.

I've never been pulled (LITERALLY) by so many little hands in so many different directions at one time.
Up weird looking steps, down black-hole tunnels, across net-bridges, through small spaces, round and round and bouncing and..... you get the picture.

Oh! Just look at that!

2009-06-03T12:54:00.000+07:00

MySpace Countdown Clocks

When inspiration strikes...

2009-05-31T22:46:00.002+07:00

.... you just DO NOT argue.

So I ended up struggling to write lyrics and record a rough tune into my phone while getting off the bts and walking down a stretch of very hazardous sidewalk (Amazing Thailand!!)... on the way to a workshop on 21st century assessment. Hearph...

Got 1 verse and almost a whole chorus down in just 10 mins, but then had to stop cuz I was running late for the workshop, so decided not to "waste" time on writing a song.

Then when I tried to continue writing it hours later when I got home, I was no longer inspired and couldn't write a single word/note!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGHH!!!!!!!!
Sigh...

Give Credit Where Credit is Due.

2009-05-26T16:47:00.003+07:00

In Bible study the last few weeks/months, we've talked offering God the sacrifice of praise... and of overflowing with thanksgiving always.

It's hard to always "praise" God... especially when things get rough.
Or is it JUST when things are rough?
How about when life is going seemingly swimmingly?

Lately, God is teaching me to truly sing His praises in all things - literally and figuratively.

When things are rough, I turn to Him... and cry out for healing.
In doing so, I realize how truly beautiful, powerful, and amazing He is!
And can't help but praise Him.... even before I get an answer - because I know it will come.

When things are going well, I bask in His presence.
Being saturated in The Word, and in His wisdom and spirit can only lead to me praising Him for any accomplishments I might have - hence keeping me grounded.
In fact, I can't HELP but overflow with His praises!

Did I really write that song?
No... God gave it to me, in a moment of true hardship and yearning.
And now I want to share it with whoever needs blessings from Him.

It really all comes down to a very simple concept:
The closer you are to Him...
the better you understand His Will for your life...
the more frequent those God-vision glimpses you get...
... the easier it will be to praise Him in all things - and give Him credit where it is due.

For He alone deserves it!

Newest Recorded Original

2009-05-26T09:16:00.003+07:00

This one's called "Rain".
Lyrics included in the video.

****

About this song:

This song actually exemplifies Psalm 13:

13:1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Just like David, I am crying out to God - asking His wisdom and blessing (thus asking for his spirit to Rain down - the bible often refers to the spirit in rain)... it is an open cry for help.

It is about reaching out. We are all human and we all long for that quenching. It's a true human emotion, and we need not be ashamed of it.
We are victorious in Him when we are at our weakest points.

Not every song has to have a "happy ending" because life is always open-ended... plus it leaves room for a continuation and learning... :p

****

How do you know if you've made at least some impact....?

2009-05-25T15:29:00.002+07:00

Two incidents today give me hope that I'm on the right track as a teacher:

********

Bonus Marks Exam Question: Draw and explain your favourite day in Grade 3.
Several students drew a picture of the day we (me and my class) met --> the first day of school.

********

Secondly...
At the beginning of every lunch, I pick my kids up from our Homeroom Classroom settle them down, and bring them to lunch.
Today, I was a few minutes late (marking exams!!)... but looking up to our classroom which is on the 2nd floor, I didn't see any of my kids. So I assumed they were still in their Math class and would be late.
Imagine my surprise when I walked into an entirely silent class - my students were practising meditation quietly.

I was floored... flabbergasted... and humbled!

"Who are you and what have you done to my class??" I asked after a minute of stunned silence.
Some of the girls giggled.
Then I told them that this was the best gift they could give a teacher and encouraged them to do the same for their other teachers.

"You are our best teacher ever!" They replied.

********

Ahhh... the innocence of youth! :)

Don't Forget to Hope.

2009-05-22T16:16:00.003+07:00

Don't let hurricanes hold you back
Raging rivers or shark attacks
Find love, and give it all away
Find love, and give it all away

Wrestle bears bring them to their knees
Steal the honey from killer bees
Find love, and give it all away
Find love, and give it all away

Don't be scared to connect the dots
And dig for gold in the parking lot
Find love, and then give it all away
Find love, then give it all away
Find love, then give it all away

A Sacrifice in Prayer

2009-05-20T22:53:00.004+07:00

Let me not forget the lessons
that You teach me day by day.
In every step
and every breath
You're showing me Your Way.

Let me never take for granted
all the heartache and the pain.
In brokenness and humbleness
I yearn to call Your Name.

Let me not look on another's hardships
with my nose up in the air.
Help me Father to remember
yes, I too was once down there.

Teach me day by day to listen
to your very still small voice.
In the hustle and the bustle
Help me walk Your Walk with poise.

Still the world, O still the world.
Till only You remain.
For You are all that matters.
It's just about Your Name.

Let me never turn my back on You
in stubbornness or pride.
My body, mind
My heart, my soul...
I sacrifice; not hide.

~20.05.2009~

First Time For Everything...

2009-05-19T10:38:00.003+07:00

No one's ever written a poem/song for me before... but last week, a close (long lost but now found) friend, Drea, wrote this.
(I got her permission to share it here on my blog.)

Shimona

You remind me so much of the precious things
Of children's laughs and fairy wings
Through a purpled heart, as life crashed down.
You faced the world.
You stood your ground

Enigmatically I might add-

You may have stood as the weathered rock
Steady as the wise Sequoia. Rooted. Strong.
Yet you never lost that love or warmth
Nor the faith that comes with early dawn.

You've lived, you've learned. You've laughed, you've cried.
And stronger woman grew where the weaker one died.

One day you will look back at all of this,
From a place you hurt no more
For that little sparrow that almost broke-
As an eagle now- will soar

All the more poetic because of this blog post I wrote a while back....
(read the poem at the end).

Thanks Drea.
It's good to know that God has indeed blessed me with some gems of friends who see my heart and love me in spite of it all.
I pray that I can do the same for them.

What This Blog is About

2009-05-18T20:26:00.003+07:00

Sorry people... I don't mean to be morbid.
I know the last few posts have been quite a bit to do with death.
But hey, death is a part of life.
I guess when you've sorta stared it in the face, and come to terms with the reality of it, it ceases to be "morbid".

Anyway, I just wanted to put it plainly out there - that although this blog is called Happiness is a Choice, it doesn't mean that I condescend to be cheerful and bright all the time.

On the contrary, I believe that embracing one's sadness, dealing with pain and heartache... is a very important aspect of... healthy happiness. If you could call it that.

Happiness isn't being cheery.
Rather, I believe that it is the ability to stare life in the eye and still smile in the midst of everything.

It's a kind of courage really.
The courage to live day by day.
With love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.

So pardon my bouts of sadness and the pensive, slightly philosophical thoughts on life.
I'm merely being a tad too transparent with the process by which leads me to happiness. :)

Death

2009-05-17T17:00:00.002+07:00

A very interesting thought was presented during church last night.

How do you feel about death?
What do you think about when you think about heaven?

I must confess that I've been comforted by the thought of heaven - that I will see my loved ones again there. That there will not be pain or heartache or suffering anymore.

But truly, the point of heaven should be God.
And as a believer, if that be the case, I should see death as a mere doorway to seeing God again.

Simply put, death=meeting God "now".

We speculate that my brother, upon falling into the waters, had hit something and broken his neck, and died instantly - without realizing he was about to die.

I imagine that his next experience will be to open his eyes to the sight the reunion between us and God.

When I think about that.... it puts my heart at ease to let my grandma go.
That she will trade the suffering and pain of this life to walk through the doorway that will lead her to meeting God "sooner"... it is reassuring.

Heaven is about GOD.
Not about us.

Just a Matter of Time..

2009-05-16T01:50:00.003+07:00

Got the official word on what exactly is wrong with my grandma.
Colon cancer, stage 4.

Sigh.
We pray that she will go painlessly and soon.

I love her so much!
How can it be right to pray for someone to die?

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build.
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.

I'm glad I'm due to be back in Singapore in just a few weeks.

The Same Sun (my latest song)

2009-05-15T09:37:00.000+07:00

A Visit From The Ancients...

2009-05-14T14:44:00.002+07:00

Grade 3B gives Grade 3A an impromptu fashion show...

At the end of the day...

2009-05-12T23:54:00.003+07:00

...I'm still me.
Lessons really have been learned.
God's love and peace smooths those hard edges out.

We all have to grow up at some point.
The past is the past.
No longer shall it hurt me.
And....

I still choose happiness.
:)

What did I EVER see in him??

2009-05-12T15:26:00.004+07:00

If I ever needed confirmation of whether the divorce was a good thing.... (not that I actually wanted/needed a confirmation).... it came in an email today.

To think that there I was getting soft and hoping that he would be ok.
I must've been blind to believe that our marriage would work.
He is in fact shallower than a half-filled baby pool. LOL!

At first I was miffed.
But now I'm just amused and sorry for him.

And don't feel sorry for feeling that way about it. Hahahahhahaa...

Hope Rekindled

2009-05-11T16:59:00.000+07:00

... is a scary but beautiful thing.

That's all.

Tragedy offers us the opportunity to learn and grow.

2009-05-09T10:33:00.005+07:00

What on earth are we here for?

So often we tend to view our difficult situations or those painful experiences seemingly thrust upon us as excuses.
We become victims of circumstance, rather than an active participant in life.

Tragedies really are NOT fair.

I lost my only brother.
The only connection I will have in the world when my parents pass on.
Is that fair?

The man I promised my life to decided it wasn't worth it to fight for me.
Is that fair?

A couple's almost 2-year old drowned in their parents' swimming pool.
Is that fair?

A friend's brother's mind snapped and is now labelled as "crazy".
Is that fair?

These are merely the tragedies that have hit closest to home.
What about those people who have lost children or parents or siblings to war or natural disasters or disease or accidents?
Are any of these fair?

Resounding: NO.

Nothing in life is fair.

But instead of becoming a victim to these unfair happenings, we can choose to look at the "bright side" instead - what is life teaching me? How is this molding my character?

In talking to a friend last night, I realized that I've really really changed (mostly) in the last 2 years. Simply because of the toll tragedy has taken on my life.
Or rather, I should say, because of how I've let tragedy change me - for the better.

One night in early December 2007, I sat on the front porch of my empty house - just me and the stars.
I had just gotten back to Thailand from my brother's funeral in Singapore, and no one was at my house to greet me.
There were no comforting arms to hold me, no one to turn to.
I was utterly and completely alone.
And yet I didn't call a friend to come over to be with me.
I decided to fight my inner battles alone.

As I sat there on the porch in the quiet, somewhat still in shock over the week's happenings, feeling resentment and confusion at having been left to myself by my then-husband, I cried a little... but then slowly the tears dried up.

The stars were bright in the inky night sky, and I had a sense of smallness.
And suddenly... there He was.
The tear in my heart was lifted to the heavens... and I felt nothing but stillness and peace.
"Be still and know."

I cannot describe nor explain fully what happened that night.
All I know is that it was the beginning of a beautiful healing.
And the reason why my blog title was changed to what it is now - Happiness is a Choice.

Through tragedy, I discovered a person that was not there before.
Through hardship I learned to depend on no one else but God.
Through loneliness I found that I could still be happy regardless.

What do the tragedies of your life teach you?

Give Me Flowers While I Can Still Smell Them.

2009-05-04T01:33:00.005+07:00

Over the last few months, I've attended quite a few farewells.

They all reminded me in a way of my brother's funeral.
One of the thoughts that crossed my grief-ridden mind, back in Nov 2007 when we held memorials at Reuben's wake and funeral... was:

I REALLY wish he could have been there to see all the people who love and miss him.
To comprehend the impact his life had made on theirs.

We are all an interwoven tapestry of social-emotional-physical connections.
Each life that touches another is significantly different.
And vice versa.
Yet we don't always sit back to ponder and realize this.

"Give me flowers while I am still alive"
(Or something to that effect)

When I first read that quote... it made so much sense.

Yes, we should remember in all fondness those who have passed and will not return.
But why wait till the ones who are here with us now are gone too before we truly appreciate them?

In the same way that we can only truly appreciate a flower's beauty and fragrance when we receive one (and not so much by memory of how a flower feels/looks/smells like), we should also strive to truly appreciate the beautiful people around us.

Because nothing lasts forever.
And everyone leaves.