Sing a song about faith....

I want to tell you about a song I recorded today.

I wrote this song a little more than a year ago.
It's called "A Promise is a Promise".

At the time that I wrote it, I wrote my excitement and fears about leaving Bangkok to move back home to Singapore.
The words spoke of a promise that was to be claimed - a strength that could be grasped in times of fear and doubt.

Last week, as I practised this song in preparation for today's studio recording, I realised how much more apt it was for my current circumstances.

Please don't think I am complaining.
I am not.
I am simply stating this:
It is insanely difficult struggling to make a living as a musician/singer in Singapore.
Why?
There are so many factors that I could site.
But I'd rather not get into that....
Just suffice to say that this is possibly the one trade you can be fantastically good at but still, hardly anyone will pay for your services/product.


ANYWAY....

Given these tough circumstances, and set it beside the fact that SINGAPORE IS AN EXPENSIVE PLACE TO LIVE IN...., and what do you get?
STRESS.


The point is - music is my full-time job.
I'm not in it for the money.
Never was.
I'm in it because I love music so much.
And somewhere along the way..., the industry, the lack of support, the brutal truth of reality - started to eat away at my faith in myself.
"If I'm really good at what I do, why aren't I succeeding?"

BUT.
Back to the song...

As I practised - sitting in my room, plucking at the guitar strings, legs crossed sitting on my bed - just like when I started out learning to play the guitar.. sitting on my bed at night, plucking and singing...,
I realised - the song isn't so much about a promise as it is about FAITH.

The focus isn't about the promise to be claimed at the end.
It's about how DIFFICULT faith can be during times of trouble.
How even when you don't FEEL like you're worth it..., that you're good enough, that you DESERVE the beautiful promise..., that you can STILL hold on to that sliver of hope and KEEP THE FAITH.

"Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on to His promises...
they're true."

** "A Promise is a Promise" will be released online (only) as a Single before my album release. Stay tuned for more details as they come.

God Guides us ALL the Way.

What happens when we allow God to work in our everyday lives?


Step 1: Conviction

This is the state of awareness.
The Spirit slowly brings to light the secret sins of our hearts - big or little.
Through the study of scripture, daily interactions with the community of Christ, and trials & tribulations..., we start to become increasingly aware of the areas of our lives that need to be changed.
The Still Small Voice gets louder and louder until our hearts hurt SO BAD with the need to seek God's forgiveness - allow Him to change our lives and be healed.



Step 2: Confession

This is where we learn to be completely vulnerable.
It is being willing to show others the "true" you - the parts that are not perfect and sometimes even shameful.
In confessing our sins and struggles to our brothers and sisters, we share our journey in Christ, and deepen our relationships - challenging concepts that are taught theoretically in church - concepts of love and acceptance, grace and mercy.



Step 3: Construction

It doesn't end with confession.
After we have become aware of our ugliness, and our INTENSE NEED for a Saviour, and hence are able to admit this to the people we love and care about (even despite fear of rejection), we then must learn to take a hold of GRACE.
This is the same grace that our Lord extends to every single person - whether they know it or not, whether they have become aware of their need for it or not, and whether they are able to accept it or not.
However, it is when we are able to reach out and grab this generous offer of grace God gives that we truly OWN the healing that God works in our lives:

"While God accepts us as we are He doesn't leave us as we are."

But you see, that doesn't mean that we merely confess with our lips and then leave it to God to do all the work! While Christ has paid the price of salvation, and grace is offered to all, we are called as followers of Christ to TAKE UP OUR CROSS DAILY:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Questions to ponder:

1. As a follower of Christ, how am I allowing God to break my life apart and consequently build me into the person that He wants me to be?
2. As a fellow believer, how can I react with love and grace when other people struggle with their sins? How can I be authentic in my interactions? - praying and loving Christ's lambs the way He would?
3. As a sinner seeing how I fall short of God's glory, how can I reach out for God's grace, accept the love and grace that might be given to me from the community of Christ, and have faith that God is weaving His beautiful masterplan in this unique tapestry of our lives?

Lord, may YOU be the moving force in our lives - that drives us to love and have mercy...., or that allows us to come before You with humble hearts and to stay in community with no shame, rather a common understanding of how we are all so alike and struggling together.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Tonight's Bible Study - Mark 8:27-9:1

My notes/response/ponderings... about what the passage teaches us about Christ's identity and thus our spiritual walk with God:

1. Who is God?
2. What is He doing in my life / my world?
3. What does He ask me to do in response (to 1 and 2)?

And.... conversely...
1. What illusions do I hold about who God is?
2. What illusions do I hold about how He works in my life / this world?
3. Am I imposing my own ideas on what I think God is asking me to do, instead of simply obeying what He tells me to do?

Do I struggle and rebuke God when things don't go according to how I think they should go because I think I know how God should work?.... (Like Peter), and what is God teaching me about His character and HIS work - in relation to why I am here on earth?

The Call (Original)

The song that was born out of the crying mess God made of me this morning - when He planted the seed of sorrow for this world in me... and the burden to speak out against the silence - of the work that MUST be done.

The Call

Today I heard a man
He spoke of people suffering
Of little girls that fell prey to evil deeds of men.
I heard in lengthy details
And how the words pierced through my soul
I wept in silent agony, while my heart cried out, oh Lord!

What are we wasting our time on?
God, You’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and Your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

I went home still shaken
By the message I had heard
Wanting to help in any way
But not quite knowing how.
Then I had to do my laundry
And those bills –they have to be paid!
I’ve so much already on my plate
I forgot what I had heard

What are we doing every day?
Living our comfortable lives
What about the urgency?
The workers are so few.
How can we quickly just forget
The vision God placed on our hearts
We should see the world with Kingdom eyes
And love Your children as You do

BR:
Heal our eyes that we might see
Heal our ears that we might hear
Our hearts must understand
The Call to serve You...

What are we wasting our time on?
God, you’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

We are your hands
We are your feet
We are Your servants
Lord send us!

~S. Written 0811209.

It's beginning to feel a lot like...

... winter! YAY!

2 days ago, it started getting a LOT cooler here in Bangkok.
So cool, I haven't turned my A/C on in more than 24 hours!
In fact, I woke this morning feeling chilled, and couldn't simply reach for the A/C remote and turn the A/C off.... had to close the windows. Heh.


So here we are in November, and just an inch away from 2010.
How time does fly.

School is getting to the point where everyone is crazybusy.
Teachers and staff look a tad insane because all our wonderful activities are crushed into the small time-bracket left for 2009.

Things have really changed at my school. What positive changes they have been too.
Everyone is learning a whole lot, and our school is definitely progressing in an upwards fashion.



On a personal note, the last few weeks have been... overloaded.
To the point where I succumbed to a cold virus for the first time in years. Eargh.
Forgot how sucky it is to be sick. Hahhahaa...

Anyway, I'm rushing off to work in just a bit, but wanted to blog a few glimpses I've had this last week:

In reflecting about what is life, and -- if I had just 4 minutes left on this earth, what I would say...

LIFE

It's not about...
money
health
beauty
conveniences
possession
having people you love physically with you
relationships with family and friends
feeling like you FIT
being happy
or satisfied with life
and especially not SELF...

For all is meaningless... a chasing after the wind.


RATHER,
it's ALL about
getting to know WHO GOD IS

EVERYTHING experienced in this life
is for the sole purpose of learning about WHO GOD IS
and letting His Character teach and seep into
your OWN life...
your work
your relationships
your activities
your mental/emotional state...
such that it is merely an overflow
of WHO GOD IS.

In fact,
one lifetime is possibly not enough!
That is how immense GOD is!

And so - the meaning of life..,
is wrapped around the Heart of God.
For without Him,
ALL is meaningless.
But FOR GOD,
ALL has meaning.
Even death itself.

Becoming Strong. A.K.A Submissive.

Over the course of the week, I had some interesting chats with some friends.
One of the chats we had was about strength - how one can become strengthened by the Lord.

I've also been contemplating how God leads us from realization to obedience.

See, I've come to realize that the more you ask for the Holy Spirit's enlightenment in your life, the more you will receive. The little epiphanies will come fast and furious and you will be amazed at the amount of wisdom God showers down on you.
Wisdom about your own life and your place in His Kingdom.

But then... here comes the hard part - obeying what you now KNOW you need to do.


God does not lead us to "easy truths".
Many times the wisdom He imparts to us really, really hurt!
More often that not, we instinctively want to pull the reins of control back from Him and live life on our own terms again - despite knowing the havoc this will wreak.


So truly... the hardest part about God's wisdom is not so much understanding it... but OBEYING it.
Obeying Him.



I'm not the most submissive of people.
ANYONE who knows me can easily confirm this. Heh...
So lately I've been struggling with some simple truths and how to live these truths in my life - even when it goes against my headstrong nature.... especially when it goes against my habits and feelings.

The latest revelation that God has blessed me with is the understanding that "knowing" is not enough. Becoming aware of your shortcomings and need to change is just the first step.
The crunch is in "putting your money where your mouth is".
Even in the HARD stuff.
Because honestly, it's easy for us to claim the victories which come at little or no cost - the stuff that is easy for us to change and feel-good about.
The stuff that doesn't really break us.
Not really.



Yep... I've been struggling with some matters of obedience lately.
In terms of my temperament and instinctual reaction to daily matters... and even how I live my independent, now-swinging single life.

Then today, after struggling with 2 such matters and seemingly "overcoming" them, the Spirit whispered a gentle realization to me... about strength:

True strength, when faced with life's hardships and temptations, is not strength that comes about from my own person.
Rather... it is the strength that comes from God that helps me defeat trials.
Furthermore (and this is the important part), it is only in OBEDIENCE and submission that I am able to receive this strength.
So... ironically, I am strongest in the Lord when I am most obedient/soft/weak TO HIM.

What beautiful release this has given me.
God does his most powerful work in me when I simply surrender.
There's no need to struggle against the grain anymore... rather in learning to surrender my pride and old ways of doing things; old ways of thinking... I gain God's infinite power.


It is true what the bible says - I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.



Lastly, and most reassuringly, the Holy Spirit brings is able to bring a person from a hardened state... to realization... to humble obedience.
What a relief!
And what an amazing thing.
Just look how much God loves us - He brings us every step of the way.

All we need to do is ask Him to do it.

Mindfulness & Thankfulness

The last few days I've been leading out morning meditation exercises for our school's Staff Training sessions. Then tonight, while fighting to focus on some difficult positions in Hot Yoga , I was reminded of some very important life lessons.

I will share two of them with you today.



First and foremost is mindfulness.
Simply put, paying attention selectively.

Modern society bombards the individual with a myriad of (sometimes useless) stimuli. Nevermind that naturally, our senses are already on overload, nowadays we also have to contend with technology, the media, traffic. Ha!

And then we wonder why we have so much difficulty focusing on the things that matter.
Well, firstly, each person's brain is made, developed, and used uniquely. And the differences in the activation of our brain often causes differences in our overt behaviours - whether we are aware of it or not.

Hence I cannot stress enough the importance of intentionally selecting what we pay attention to and practising keeping that attention on that one thing.
This can range from simply paying attention to a simple task one is carrying out, to writing a long essay, critically solving a difficult problem.

Without attention, there is no processing, no retention, and no recall.
In other words, no learning.
Ok, perhaps there is not a complete absence of learning... since our cells can still learn and remember things on a physical cellular level.

How to practice paying attention you ask?
Well, there are many ways.
Just the simple awareness that you want to pay more attention sometimes is half the battle won.
Start noticing when you "tune out" and make an effort to pay more attention whenever you are presented with a familiar "tune out" situation.

For example, when someone is telling you a long story about what happened on the way home today... You suddenly find yourself drifting off, wondering what you should eat for lunch, who sent you an email, what book to read tonight before going to bed...
Instead, once that person starts telling a story, tell yourself to pay attention.
Actively look at the person, try to visualize what he/she is saying...
The more you do it, the easier it will become!

Next, there is meditation. (Of course I would get around to that at some point!)
When, in meditation, you start to block off all the senses one by one, you are selectively paying attention.
Next, keep talking to yourself, telling yourself to focus on the sound of your breath.
As your breathing gets longer, deeper, louder, and more rhythmic, you might find your mind wandering. Each time it does so, just acknowledge that it did, push the thought away, and continue to focus on the breath.
Patience.
Patience and lots of practice.

It is important to develop this ability to live life mindfully.
Without it, our lives would pass us by unknowingly and without purpose.
Living life with awareness is essential to living a rich purposeful life!




Now, this awareness of mindfulness brings me to the second important life lesson:
Thankfulness.

As you can see, the slogan of my blog is "Thankfulness is the Beginning of Happiness".
Sometimes the only hindrance to thankfulness is the lack of mindful appreciation.

If we take this time, for example, to examine the breath again.
What a wonderful, frequent and yet much taken for granted reflex/habit this is!
As you pay attention to your breath, you start noticing how it feels when you breathe in and out...
How do you feel if you stave off the inhale for a little longer than usual ?
You feel deprived and flooded with relief once you finally take in the air that you so long for.
The fact is that breathing is life-giving... and that we are such fragile creatures living in a fragile temporary world...

How ironic it is that we can so easily take each breath of life and not even realize it!
So when one practices mindful breathing, one can bring to the forefront a newfound gratefulness for life itself. A gratefulness to our Creator for giving us this Breath of Life.... and for sustaining it.
In addition, an awe that despite our shameful negligence to continually praise God for this ability to breathe, here we are... still alive, still breathing, still not realizing the importance of the breath.


What a generous, forgiving Lord we serve.
How undeserving we are.

And how great the concept of Grace truly is...
When approached with mindfulness and thankfulness.


I have just shared with you the source of my happiness... :)

Give Credit Where Credit is Due.

In Bible study the last few weeks/months, we've talked offering God the sacrifice of praise... and of overflowing with thanksgiving always.

It's hard to always "praise" God... especially when things get rough.
Or is it JUST when things are rough?
How about when life is going seemingly swimmingly?


Lately, God is teaching me to truly sing His praises in all things - literally and figuratively.

When things are rough, I turn to Him... and cry out for healing.
In doing so, I realize how truly beautiful, powerful, and amazing He is!
And can't help but praise Him.... even before I get an answer - because I know it will come.


When things are going well, I bask in His presence.
Being saturated in The Word, and in His wisdom and spirit can only lead to me praising Him for any accomplishments I might have - hence keeping me grounded.
In fact, I can't HELP but overflow with His praises!

Did I really write that song?
No... God gave it to me, in a moment of true hardship and yearning.
And now I want to share it with whoever needs blessings from Him.



It really all comes down to a very simple concept:
The closer you are to Him...
the better you understand His Will for your life...
the more frequent those God-vision glimpses you get...
... the easier it will be to praise Him in all things - and give Him credit where it is due.

For He alone deserves it!

"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!"

Last night at bible study, we studied Hebrews 12:14-29.

This morning... I found myself smiling as I remembered something I'd learned from this initially confusing passage.


Firstly, we who know Him...., the King who deals all justice and will wipe the slate clean, know that we have the promise of something far greater than anything we can fathom:

"28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."

And to makes sense of that in my everyday life, I remembered us talking about how God warns us not to give up our birthright (the blessings to inherit the Kingdom) for any paltry thing (to Him) that we might think is SO important right NOW.

In the passage, this warning gives comparison to Esau giving up his birthright for a meager meal!

"16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears."

To us who read Esau's story today... we easily see how foolish he was. We scoff and think that we're not that dumb(!!). Hahaha...

But truly... in God's eyes, the many things on this earth that seem so important, are really unimportant and small!



To me, this passage tells me to focus on God's promise of His Kingdom rather than to get bogged down by the bitterness that life has dealt me - losing my brother and marriage, the fear of losing my parents, being alone.

We are called to His service... not only that, we are called to joyful service.
And why wouldn't we be joyful if we know we will inherit The Kingdom?
As someone once said - "Patience is the art of hoping."

Faith or Experience?

I am usually only able to make a hazy recollection of the time between waking and getting to school. But these days, I try to get my daily morning devotion in before I leave my apartment too.

Am reading My Utmost For His Highest again thanks to Jules (specially airflown from Singapore!)... and what a beautiful difference it makes to start the day with a hearty spiritual breakfast (albeit a tad hastily gulped down)!


This morning I even brought the book along with me to school because I am still mulling over today's devotion.

It's interesting to me because I've long since wondered where you draw the line between experience and faith. Case in point, Doubting Thomas.

So many Christians who grew up in the faith reach a point (usually somewhere around the late teens and early adulthood) where they question their faith because of lack of experience. They cannot bridge the divide between maintaining the faith of a child when the world around them teaching them to question everything and believe nothing until proven intellectually.

Trouble is, faith so often greatly lacks that intellectual component!


On the other hand, blind faith is to be frowned upon - God calls us to be wise.

"All of our fears are sinful,
and we create our own
fears by refusing to nourish
ourselves in our faith."

We often talk about nourishing ourselves with intellectual activities that draw us closer to an understand of God... such as Bible study, listening to sermons, etc. But what can we do to nourish our faith? How can we find the balance between needing to experience something, and simply going by faith even when we don't understand?

"We should battle through our moods,
feelings, and emotions into
absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus."

At the end of the day, isn't that all that matters?
Devotion to our Lord in spite of all other circumstances.



Still pondering on this.....