You Were Just Here

I'm trying not to think

how yesterday you were just here.

And our words drew aimless circles round our faces

while we sat mere inches apart.

And now you're not.

You're there.

And I can only savor the shadow of you

And look at pictures and dig out memories...

of laughter and sunshine.

Dancing and eating.

Talking and crying.

Where our paths have crossed I believe flowers grow now.

Because the seeds of our friendship have long since taken root.

They nestle in my heart and remind me of

the warmth of your love and acceptance.

Gifts that money cannot buy,

time cannot replace.

So now you are there

and I am here...

and I can do nothing to bring you near.

Yes, we will walk on...

our separate paths.

We are both strong women

with happy hearts.

We will take what life gives us

in abundance and in strife

We will remain essentially

US.

To friendship.

To Krung Thep.

To life and to love.

To the One who provides us all from above.

To the hardships we know must surely come.

To strength and wisdom to meet them

... and grace when all is done.

To Bali, ma chère.

We will meet again.

Now and Then

Recently I've been pondering how society exalts "couplehood".

Don't get me wrong - I'm no hater. I think it's wonderful to be in love.
But so many people just cannot stand being alone.
And so many people pity friends who are still single. Especially the older they get.
As if they have some kind of personality disorder if they're still single.

I beg to differ.
I think it takes strength of character to stay single and true to oneself, and not "settle" for anything less than what is right for you.
If more of us had this mentality of "not settling" and being happy as an a single individual, we would easily solve many of our relationship problems, and have less unhappy separations.

Yes, the single person does experience bouts of intense loneliness.
But honestly, even people in relationships can feel lonely. It's human nature to feel alone... even when we're with the people we love.

So with these thoughts in mind...., I wrote this song.

Now and Then

Now and then
I get a little bit lonely
and I must admit that I'm
usually good at being alone.

But just sometimes
I feel a little bit silly
thinking about the space
that is like a gaping hole.

But don't feel too bad for me
I'm not broken.
'Cuz some hearts are joyful still
standing alone.
I might cry a tear or two
every now and then...
But life is still beautiful
even if you're alone.

No I won't lie
and say I wouldn't want someone
to fill up my lonely nights
and some lonely afternoons too.

I'm not one to spend my life just pining
dwelling on coulda beens
or shoulda, or woulda, maybes

So don't feel too bad for me
I'm not broken.
'Cuz some hearts are joyful still
standing alone.
I might cry a tear or two
every now and then...
But life is still beautiful
even if you're alone.

Listen to it here:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_8244229
(Video to come soon...)


Now and Then by Shimona Kee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at networkedblogs.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.shimonakee.com/contact/.

A Modern Woman's Valentine Day Plea

A Modern Woman's Valentine Day Plea

You asked me why we haven't been in touch.
Why we're not as close now as before...

I stutter in amazement.
It's so obvious to me.
An outstretched hand was left wanting....
So turned away from thee.

These days, we women see the truth:
There's no sense in just waiting endlessly...
For romance
and being swept off your feet
are luxuries of eras past.

The modern woman faces her plight
with grace and dignity.
Her independence, wit, and intellect
by society so esteemed,
are double-edged deterrents
few a knight has truly seen.

So... modern man,
should you ever understand
the yearnings of a woman's heart
be gentle yet persistent for our love...
... and we promise to do our part.

A Modern Woman's Valentine's Day Plea by Shimona Kee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Tonight's Bible Study - Mark 8:27-9:1

My notes/response/ponderings... about what the passage teaches us about Christ's identity and thus our spiritual walk with God:

1. Who is God?
2. What is He doing in my life / my world?
3. What does He ask me to do in response (to 1 and 2)?

And.... conversely...
1. What illusions do I hold about who God is?
2. What illusions do I hold about how He works in my life / this world?
3. Am I imposing my own ideas on what I think God is asking me to do, instead of simply obeying what He tells me to do?

Do I struggle and rebuke God when things don't go according to how I think they should go because I think I know how God should work?.... (Like Peter), and what is God teaching me about His character and HIS work - in relation to why I am here on earth?

The Call (Original)

The song that was born out of the crying mess God made of me this morning - when He planted the seed of sorrow for this world in me... and the burden to speak out against the silence - of the work that MUST be done.

The Call

Today I heard a man
He spoke of people suffering
Of little girls that fell prey to evil deeds of men.
I heard in lengthy details
And how the words pierced through my soul
I wept in silent agony, while my heart cried out, oh Lord!

What are we wasting our time on?
God, You’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and Your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

I went home still shaken
By the message I had heard
Wanting to help in any way
But not quite knowing how.
Then I had to do my laundry
And those bills –they have to be paid!
I’ve so much already on my plate
I forgot what I had heard

What are we doing every day?
Living our comfortable lives
What about the urgency?
The workers are so few.
How can we quickly just forget
The vision God placed on our hearts
We should see the world with Kingdom eyes
And love Your children as You do

BR:
Heal our eyes that we might see
Heal our ears that we might hear
Our hearts must understand
The Call to serve You...

What are we wasting our time on?
God, you’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

We are your hands
We are your feet
We are Your servants
Lord send us!

~S. Written 0811209.

It's beginning to feel a lot like...

... winter! YAY!

2 days ago, it started getting a LOT cooler here in Bangkok.
So cool, I haven't turned my A/C on in more than 24 hours!
In fact, I woke this morning feeling chilled, and couldn't simply reach for the A/C remote and turn the A/C off.... had to close the windows. Heh.


So here we are in November, and just an inch away from 2010.
How time does fly.

School is getting to the point where everyone is crazybusy.
Teachers and staff look a tad insane because all our wonderful activities are crushed into the small time-bracket left for 2009.

Things have really changed at my school. What positive changes they have been too.
Everyone is learning a whole lot, and our school is definitely progressing in an upwards fashion.



On a personal note, the last few weeks have been... overloaded.
To the point where I succumbed to a cold virus for the first time in years. Eargh.
Forgot how sucky it is to be sick. Hahhahaa...

Anyway, I'm rushing off to work in just a bit, but wanted to blog a few glimpses I've had this last week:

In reflecting about what is life, and -- if I had just 4 minutes left on this earth, what I would say...

LIFE

It's not about...
money
health
beauty
conveniences
possession
having people you love physically with you
relationships with family and friends
feeling like you FIT
being happy
or satisfied with life
and especially not SELF...

For all is meaningless... a chasing after the wind.


RATHER,
it's ALL about
getting to know WHO GOD IS

EVERYTHING experienced in this life
is for the sole purpose of learning about WHO GOD IS
and letting His Character teach and seep into
your OWN life...
your work
your relationships
your activities
your mental/emotional state...
such that it is merely an overflow
of WHO GOD IS.

In fact,
one lifetime is possibly not enough!
That is how immense GOD is!

And so - the meaning of life..,
is wrapped around the Heart of God.
For without Him,
ALL is meaningless.
But FOR GOD,
ALL has meaning.
Even death itself.

♥ The Simple Pleasures... ♥

Yoga,
the wind rustling in the trees,
running,
mango,
a stolen moment,
beauty,
dancing in the rain,
biking hilly terrain,
drinking the Liquid Elixer of LIFE! (aka water),
dark chocolate,
card games,
hugs,
refreshing salads,
sappy movies,
haunting music,
snow crystals,
getting lost in a good book,
bright colours,
laughing like crazy,
cha yen,
novel words,
fresh flowers,
puns,
memories,
plaster prata,
discovering new things and people,
taking pictures...

And.....




The list goes on.
:)

A Lamp to my Feet and a Light to My Path

How sweet the wisdom of Your words.
What peace Your understanding brings.
How great Your mercies...
... My lips can find no words.

of joy
of grace.



Gentleness....
As I stood shouting at the noisy students in my classroom, I was quietly chastised.

Handle them gently.
Just as I do you.

Yes, there are times for tough love.
But there are also times for gentleness and patience.



I delight in Your Word.
Bless us all with Your sweet grace and discernment.
Oh Lord, I pray for Your blessings.
More, we cry... more!

And then....
Who will go?
Send me!!!

Wind

Lightly tickling the corner of my ear
Dancing upside down along the fringe of my fringe

Floating
Twirling


Is it music?
Or is it the wind?



You gently stir my thoughts.
Like needle pricks to my heart.




Hello....

Emotionally Perturbed,

Beautiful white puffy clouds.
Deep rich inky black.
With a smattering of stars....

That's what the sky looks like from Mission College.
Back in Bangkok, all I can see is dirty gray,
if any sky at all.


********


So I thought going was bad.
Coming back was worse.

I got into the van to come back to the life I'd carved for myself in Bangkok, and suddenly felt like a silly wounded creature.
The feeling just overcame me.

Growing up is tough.
Knowing that no other person can really save you from life... or yourself.
I've stopped waiting for someone to be my knight in shining armour.
Maybe that's why I'm able to move on.
Now I take on those dragons myself.
But now and again, my heart aches for my prince.
I know I can call out to God to rescue me.
And I do.
But the warmth of a human companion is something I crave for yet do not allow myself to expect anymore. Not anymore.

I think I've been pretty strong so far... given the circumstances.
But coming back, I sat in the back of the van and bit by bit succumbed to the tears.


Slow hot tears.
Tears for the brother I would not see again in my life.
Tears for my current almost-divorced state.
Tears for the complexity of life.
Tears for my parents' grief.
Tears for all the lonely sad souls crying out together in unison.

And then I cried out to the Holy Spirit, claiming the promise in my favourite passage from Romans - that the Holy Spirit captures my groans - translating them into the language God speaks.


********

Little Bird

My heart is a bird
that fell from the sky
You saw me and healed me
so I would not die.
But wounded and fearful,
still wanting to fly,
I dream of the day
when I'll soar up high.

Oh when will I fly?
When will I fly?


Copyright, Shimona Kee, 07122008

On Edge

My moods are fluctuating
Like the tides of the ocean
so the tides of my mind.


*****


I think I have sixth sense.

Sometimes I don't understand my moods... sometimes it's just me being irritable or whatever. But there have been quite a few times when my unexplainable moods precede some event.


Well, I don't really feel like disclosing any details, even really telling anyone (on the internet) what it is I'm being moody about. So I'm not sure what I'm blogging about either.
Just feeling antsy and raw and confused.


*****


Coming down the stairs of the BTS, I had this weird movie-moment where time sorta slowed down as I noticed a small stall selling orchids.
Reminded me of Singapore.

OFF

Sometimes I wish God had created our brains with an on-off switch.

Where is the balance?
Between thinking too much and not enough...

Where is that equilibrium
of heart and head?



My thoughts are bubbles
that burst into drops
of confusion.
Joy and melancholy.
Hope and despair.
One cannot be without the other.
How can I want only those
that are deemed by mankind
to be the better.


Are not both sides of the scale necessary?
Do they not both make us all human after all?



I imagine that some are born
into this world
with more of an affinity
to be happy.

Other some
not so.
We fight the darkness
that threatens to overthrow.
Constantly.
Perpetually.
Seeking,
dancing,
taunting.


If this life is the only one we are conscious of
the only we can understand,
imagine
and comprehend...

What is the merit of this sole existence?
How can one make
judgements
of this life
when there is nothing
to compare with it?


If the world came to an end
today
tomorrow
right now,
I would hold no regrets
in the palm of my hand.

I have tasted
seen
and heard.


So when it is time,
and my Maker decides,
I will go quietly
into the night.