You Were Just Here

I'm trying not to think

how yesterday you were just here.

And our words drew aimless circles round our faces

while we sat mere inches apart.

And now you're not.

You're there.

And I can only savor the shadow of you

And look at pictures and dig out memories...

of laughter and sunshine.

Dancing and eating.

Talking and crying.

Where our paths have crossed I believe flowers grow now.

Because the seeds of our friendship have long since taken root.

They nestle in my heart and remind me of

the warmth of your love and acceptance.

Gifts that money cannot buy,

time cannot replace.

So now you are there

and I am here...

and I can do nothing to bring you near.

Yes, we will walk on...

our separate paths.

We are both strong women

with happy hearts.

We will take what life gives us

in abundance and in strife

We will remain essentially

US.

To friendship.

To Krung Thep.

To life and to love.

To the One who provides us all from above.

To the hardships we know must surely come.

To strength and wisdom to meet them

... and grace when all is done.

To Bali, ma chère.

We will meet again.

Little Things....

The floods in Thailand have been on my mind lately.

Usually, when it rains, I think of happy things like lazing around and hot chocolate... (Rainy Day)
But when it rains these days, I'm reminded that there are people who have lost their homes and even lives because of too much rain.
Thailand has a very special place in my heart... and my heart is heavy thinking about them dealing with the deluge.


On a more reflective note - the contrast between a little rain being normal and even enjoyable, and torrential or constant rain accumulating and turning into floods that cause people hardships and pain... well, sometimes that happens in our lives too: The little things that occur (good or bad) can build up and become one big flood at any certain time.

Too often, we unconsciously try to brush aside the little hurts and failures... trying to stay positive, trying to succeed... but if we don't face up to them or deal with them, they can build up in the back of our minds and one day simply overwhelm us.

OR.. we can focus on the little blessings that happen on a daily basis - and let those little things build up and make us stronger.

That's what this song is about.

LITTLE THINGS by Shimona Kee

These small things line themselves
and fall in my hands
Like tears from the sky
pitter patter pitter patter...
little rainfalls. Rain falls.

The flood in my heart
gathered over time
scratches and scars
little girl it's only in your mind

Perspective keeps itself
Big is big and small is small
or so it seems
these little things

oh oh oh..

And they say that everything that happens

has its reason

I don't care how long it takes to get there

these little things won't weigh me down

down down down won't weigh me down

Walk on just fine,
suddenly it starts to pour
you never noticed before

Watch out little things
hide themselves
collecting themselves
nowhere to be seen

And they say that everything that happens

has its reason

I don't care how long it takes to get there

these little things

are not what they seem

so I will choose
which things to believe

And they say that everything that happens

has its reason

I don't care how long it takes to get there

these little things won't weigh me down

down down down won't weigh me down...

Outgrown...

I know - TWO blog posts in a week?

~~~

I should be sleeping.
But instead I'm thinking.
Not for any reason in particular.
The thoughts just sort of float and hover as I potter about my room.
And yet there they are - thoughts.

~~~

One thought in particular crystallized in my mind's eye:
We outgrow.
- clothes
- feelings
- tastes
- situations
- places
- people

See, I was browsing through a listing of TV series, and stumbled across "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".... and thought to myself -
'Gee, I used to LOVE this series!
Owned a couple of box set DVDs...
and hmmm... ended up selling them.....
and would I watch them again?
Actually, no.'

It's not just my TV-watching preferences that have changed.
I don't read the same books I used to when I was a teenager - I can hardly stomach those all-too cheesy romance novels these days. They're too full of fluff and fancy.

Growing up, I used to pick the "chang" (chopped spring onions) from my food.
Living in Thailand found me asking for extra spring onions!

When I was a kid, I'd order my cheeseburger without pickles.
Now I'd love it if there are extra!


In the (almost) year since I've been back in Singapore, I've come to realize that I've outgrown certain friendships.

BTW, I must make a note here - it's important you understand that my use of the word "outgrown" has no negative connotations - simply that things change.
And in this instance, I've realized that my preferences in TV, food, and books aren't the only ones that have changed over the years - my preferences for certain kind of friendships over others too, have changed.

~~~

On a side-note, I think I outgrew Bangkok.
And that is why I felt that it was time to move back to Singapore.
Not that one is better than the other.
Simply that for this period of time, this is what FITS.

The tides of life are ever-changing.
We must change with them.
We cannot fight change - we must see that there are different things and places and people that fit different periods of our lives....


OK. With that very "zen" thought..., I bid you all goodnight!

Packing Do's and Don't

DO NOT:

• Pack on the very last day.
• Freak out.
• Get emotional about material possessions.
• Keep getting distracted by facebook.
• Chuck stuff randomly into a bag. Unpacking will be a bitch. I promise.
• Forget to eat amidst the packing frenzy.
  

DO:

• Think positive - it's really NOT as bad as you think. Really!
  
• Give yourself at LEAST 3 full packing days.
• Plan - Look at your space and divide it up into categories/sections. Chances are your room/house is already nicely categorized (ie. cosmetics, clothes, kitchenware, etc)
• Work on 1 or 2 sections at a time. Don't look at the WHOLE mess at once. Attack bit by bit.
• Put some happy/motivational music on. Dance, sing, smile, cry while you pack.
• Give yourself rewards and breaks in between. It's no small task!
• Be as unsentimental as you can - a lot of accumulated junk can be thrown or given away. Don't pack it up, ship it, and then end up not using it or throwing it away. Yeesh.
• Remember - you are packing stuff away. Not your life. Differentiate the two.

That being said..., I'm about 70% done and on my last packing day.
Wish me good luck!! :)

Tminus3days

Been a while since I wrote a proper blog post. Update-style I mean... (not poetry as I am often wont to do)

So what's been going on?
I'm standing at the junction of yet another Life-Crossroads.
In just about 3 days, I will fly that oh so familiar budget airline plane... back to the country of my birth. Again.

Been back for many short trips over the last few months. But this time I'm moving back to Singapore. More or less for good.

((off on tangent for a bit...))
For good.
Why do people ask that - "Are you moving back for good?"
I mean... seriously, how am I supposed to know these things??!?!! Who know what will happen in a few years. I mean, just 4 years ago, I was on a path that was supposed to lead me to moving to Finland "for good".
Things change.
Suddenly.
Nothing is "for good".
((ok, tangent done))

For nearly 3 months, I've been involved in a local (Bangkok) theater production of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream".
For those of you who don't know.., Bangkok's Arts scene is pretty much still untapped and very raw... and to stage a Shakespearean play takes a whole lotta guts (or crazy, or both)!
What's more, our production is staged intimately in the confines of a pub that serves as blacksmith factory by day and wine bar by night - The Iron Fairies.

The play opened last Wednesday to a sell-out crowd and an audience that was just a dream!
Today, I sit here in my room - luggage half-packed, contemplating the wild journey I embarked on ever since starting this production.
Tomorrow is our last night, and despite having caught the flu, I look forward to the last performance - anticipating relishing every moment.

Because on Thursday I move on to a new chapter of my life.
New beginnings, new challenges, pursuits of new passions, new priorities...

Excitement mingled with dread.
Push and pull.
Ahhh the tides of life they be.

Counting down....

Well, I might as well do it in good 'ol blogging fashion - the Countdown till I move back to Sg:



MySpace-Countdowns

As Rin would say: COMMENCE FREAK OUT!

Full Circle

Well, I've waited long enough to make this decision final and official - I'm moving back home to Singapore! :)

I'd say that there is a long list of reasons for me making this decision, but I'm going to just share the 2 most important ones with you:

1. Family. I've been away for long enough.
2. Music. This will be my 2nd "real" foray into music. But this time, I have fresh ideas, fresh perspectives, and (hopefully) my music and songwriting has developed & matured over the 6 years I was away from music as a profession.

To make a long story short...
The decision process:
I've always been very instinct-based/Spirit-led, and when I started to dream of Sg (and I'm not normally the type to get homesick) for no supposed reason, I started to wonder what was up.
So I kept my eyes and ears open for the "little signs" that God usually litters along the way - and sure enough, home was abeckonin'.

The time is right. It's now or never.

So come late June, I'll be back in Sg and raring to....
Though I'm surely going to miss friends here in Bangkok, and even the city itself (despite the political turmoil, this is still kinda my 2nd home).... it's going to be good to be with family and friends in Singapore again.

I saw the RedShirts today....

Photos here: Redshirts on Sukhumvit.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Here's how we do Christmas in BKK:




And on a more serious note, here's my Christmas gift (in song) to you all:
CLICK LINK TO PLAY: http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/song_3028407

Video of the song here (sound quality is prolly not as good):

God Guides us ALL the Way.

What happens when we allow God to work in our everyday lives?


Step 1: Conviction

This is the state of awareness.
The Spirit slowly brings to light the secret sins of our hearts - big or little.
Through the study of scripture, daily interactions with the community of Christ, and trials & tribulations..., we start to become increasingly aware of the areas of our lives that need to be changed.
The Still Small Voice gets louder and louder until our hearts hurt SO BAD with the need to seek God's forgiveness - allow Him to change our lives and be healed.



Step 2: Confession

This is where we learn to be completely vulnerable.
It is being willing to show others the "true" you - the parts that are not perfect and sometimes even shameful.
In confessing our sins and struggles to our brothers and sisters, we share our journey in Christ, and deepen our relationships - challenging concepts that are taught theoretically in church - concepts of love and acceptance, grace and mercy.



Step 3: Construction

It doesn't end with confession.
After we have become aware of our ugliness, and our INTENSE NEED for a Saviour, and hence are able to admit this to the people we love and care about (even despite fear of rejection), we then must learn to take a hold of GRACE.
This is the same grace that our Lord extends to every single person - whether they know it or not, whether they have become aware of their need for it or not, and whether they are able to accept it or not.
However, it is when we are able to reach out and grab this generous offer of grace God gives that we truly OWN the healing that God works in our lives:

"While God accepts us as we are He doesn't leave us as we are."

But you see, that doesn't mean that we merely confess with our lips and then leave it to God to do all the work! While Christ has paid the price of salvation, and grace is offered to all, we are called as followers of Christ to TAKE UP OUR CROSS DAILY:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Questions to ponder:

1. As a follower of Christ, how am I allowing God to break my life apart and consequently build me into the person that He wants me to be?
2. As a fellow believer, how can I react with love and grace when other people struggle with their sins? How can I be authentic in my interactions? - praying and loving Christ's lambs the way He would?
3. As a sinner seeing how I fall short of God's glory, how can I reach out for God's grace, accept the love and grace that might be given to me from the community of Christ, and have faith that God is weaving His beautiful masterplan in this unique tapestry of our lives?

Lord, may YOU be the moving force in our lives - that drives us to love and have mercy...., or that allows us to come before You with humble hearts and to stay in community with no shame, rather a common understanding of how we are all so alike and struggling together.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Day out with Charz & Dorz...

The Call (Original)

The song that was born out of the crying mess God made of me this morning - when He planted the seed of sorrow for this world in me... and the burden to speak out against the silence - of the work that MUST be done.

The Call

Today I heard a man
He spoke of people suffering
Of little girls that fell prey to evil deeds of men.
I heard in lengthy details
And how the words pierced through my soul
I wept in silent agony, while my heart cried out, oh Lord!

What are we wasting our time on?
God, You’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and Your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

I went home still shaken
By the message I had heard
Wanting to help in any way
But not quite knowing how.
Then I had to do my laundry
And those bills –they have to be paid!
I’ve so much already on my plate
I forgot what I had heard

What are we doing every day?
Living our comfortable lives
What about the urgency?
The workers are so few.
How can we quickly just forget
The vision God placed on our hearts
We should see the world with Kingdom eyes
And love Your children as You do

BR:
Heal our eyes that we might see
Heal our ears that we might hear
Our hearts must understand
The Call to serve You...

What are we wasting our time on?
God, you’re calling us now
To be Your voice in this world
Your hands and your feet as well
How can we sit so silently?
When the time to work is right now
Lord have mercy on us all
Open our ears to Your Call

We are your hands
We are your feet
We are Your servants
Lord send us!

~S. Written 0811209.

It's beginning to feel a lot like...

... winter! YAY!

2 days ago, it started getting a LOT cooler here in Bangkok.
So cool, I haven't turned my A/C on in more than 24 hours!
In fact, I woke this morning feeling chilled, and couldn't simply reach for the A/C remote and turn the A/C off.... had to close the windows. Heh.


So here we are in November, and just an inch away from 2010.
How time does fly.

School is getting to the point where everyone is crazybusy.
Teachers and staff look a tad insane because all our wonderful activities are crushed into the small time-bracket left for 2009.

Things have really changed at my school. What positive changes they have been too.
Everyone is learning a whole lot, and our school is definitely progressing in an upwards fashion.



On a personal note, the last few weeks have been... overloaded.
To the point where I succumbed to a cold virus for the first time in years. Eargh.
Forgot how sucky it is to be sick. Hahhahaa...

Anyway, I'm rushing off to work in just a bit, but wanted to blog a few glimpses I've had this last week:

In reflecting about what is life, and -- if I had just 4 minutes left on this earth, what I would say...

LIFE

It's not about...
money
health
beauty
conveniences
possession
having people you love physically with you
relationships with family and friends
feeling like you FIT
being happy
or satisfied with life
and especially not SELF...

For all is meaningless... a chasing after the wind.


RATHER,
it's ALL about
getting to know WHO GOD IS

EVERYTHING experienced in this life
is for the sole purpose of learning about WHO GOD IS
and letting His Character teach and seep into
your OWN life...
your work
your relationships
your activities
your mental/emotional state...
such that it is merely an overflow
of WHO GOD IS.

In fact,
one lifetime is possibly not enough!
That is how immense GOD is!

And so - the meaning of life..,
is wrapped around the Heart of God.
For without Him,
ALL is meaningless.
But FOR GOD,
ALL has meaning.
Even death itself.

Extra Long Episode this Week - W51.TV, Episode 6!!

Getting back from mid-term break was especially hard - after a lazy week at the beach, and one crazy zombie-weekend, I dove straight into work with newfound fervour..., and now at the end of the week, am practically burnt out!

This has been one crrrrrrazy school week!

As testament to week gone by that was just jam-packed with activities and work, here is the product of HOURS upon HOURS of filming and editing:

Thrill the World '09 for Bangkok Refugee Center

After conducting my first ever dance rehearsals, this is the result:



It was FANTASTIC! We danced in front of a crowd that covered the entire plaza at CentralWorld BKK - I'm not sure how many people there were, but THOUSANDS for sure! YIKES!

Then I our little segment ended with me singing Heal the World:





Yep, I've been a busy busy bee! =)

Krabi Countdown:

4 days left!!!


FINALLY - after living in Thailand for 5 years, I'm FINALLY making it to the Southern beaches!
WOOHOO!!

Will be taking the overnight train to a nearby town, then bus to Krabi.
Can't wait!





Time is just zipping by at the moment - I anticipate Xmas slamming into my face in what will seem like but a few weeks.
This week I'm busy acting as stage manager for the Grade 4 & 5 Diwali (/Deepavali) celebrations. I've got Hindi music stuck in my head, and bangles and a bindi ready for tomorrow!

More this week:
- Leading my last Thrill the World dance rehearsal before I leave for Krabi. It's gonna be awesome!
- Checked out the King of the Jungle exhibition at Emporium Mall yesterday and today.
Here are some pics:



























Made a double take at the sight of this creature - the Kangaroo Rat!

Been a while...

I've been busy.

B.U.S.Y.


Things that I've been working on lately:

• Organizing and instructing dance rehearsals for Thrill the World BKK. *Gasp!* I can dance!
  
• Filming, producing, editing W51.TV - our school's new "TV" show.
• Developing proactive, preventative methods using positive psychology to fortify the kids at school against socio-emotional problems.
• Making music for charity (Help Live concert)
• Leading worship in church, and (this coming weekend) gonna be sharing the message...
• Giving workshops, going to workshops/meetings (All to do with Education and Psychology)
  
• Running!
  

Well, there's more but I won't bore you too much.

In the midst of it all, I'm praying for calm.... this week is gonna get busier again cuz no more interns to help me. Sigh.


I'll say this though - there has been increasing synthesis between my work and personal/spiritual life. Which is good.

Prayer Requests: (If you can, please join me in prayer)

• All those affected by the earthquakes/tsunami.
  
• Kristen's mom is still in a coma. Please pray for her and her family.
• My job is my service to God - please pray that I receive wisdom in how to help the kids at this school learn more about love and kindness.

Some pics of yesterday's Rehearsal:

Episode 4

Episode 3!!!

YAY! Each successive episode gets better and better (or so we hope)!



We "pre-released" this episode at a Parent-Teacher Potluck... It was supposed to "air" on Monday (in school), but oh well! :p

Check out all my school-related videos HERE.

An inside looks at what happens during Hangout Times in the Counseling Room