The Moment.

When was it?
That moment when you realized:
There's got to be more to life than this!


Today's NewSong discussion turned back the clock - reminding me of the first time I was ever wholeheartedly convinced that my heart needed an overhaul... a full-on redo.
In 2004.
I gave up so much back then to start anew.

And it dawned on me today that this time round, sometime end of last year, after Reuben died, I started anew again - this time, not so willingly giving up everything... rather having everything that I thought I wanted and needed ripped out of my life.


My ideas of who I am...
perceptions of the world around me,
expectations of relationships,
the goals in my life...
Basically my entire worldview got swept out from under my feet and flew away leaving me in total and utter confusion.


Somehow though.... I realized today that it is always during those times of utter desolation and emptiness that God has been most able to fill my life with real purpose and vision.

Perhaps that's the key - in order for God to make sense of our lives, we have to let him declutter it - take away all the unnecessary distractions and things we THINK we need.
The things/ideals/people we thought we lived for... those that gave our lives our supposed meaning, only to find that when we achieve them or attain them... we are just as empty as when we started out.


Isn't it only through brokenness that God can heal?
If so, how can we expect/seek healing if we cannot really admit that we are broken?
Which is probably why we need The Moment.


I guess I've come full circle - I've had 2 such Moments in my life!