He *always* knows....

Funny. I didn't think I really needed to confide.
Then a few days ago... when the wave threatened to take me under again (yes, it comes in cycles), I got a few messages on facebook that pulled me up to the surface for air again.

First off, a friend passingly encouraged me to talk about how I feel about getting divorced.
If you've noticed, I haven't blogged much about it so far.
Let's just say:
Privacy.


But not just blogging... I haven't really been facing how I feel about it all.
Kinda just let it be - figured I must be dealing with it well since I am not torn up about it anymore.
Wrong.

Well, then after I read that message, I thought to myself... yeah it's all fine and dandy to say that technically I need to talk to someone, but when it comes down to it, I mostly don't have the time... and more to the point, no one I know really would understand anyway.
I mean face it, how many other young Asian women do YOU know are divorced?
Most of my friends are not married.
So ranting and raving is one thing... but I lacked a listening ear who would resonate with what I felt.



And the Lord provided.
It's been about 6 years (??) since I last talked to her... an old friend from my singing days... but somehow, through some weird facebook fluke (see, multibrowsing on fb has its advantages!), she had read one of my latest posts where I said passingly and as nonchalantly as I could that I am almost divorced now.
And she wrote me a long message telling me her own story.

And there in her story, I wept.
I wept for her tragedy and hardship.
I wept over how I could truly identify with her.
I wept because finally there was someone who not just understood, but could make actual sense of what I have been going through and am still going through.
All the hurt and pain and confusion.
The unspoken "whys" and "what-ifs",
The resentment, bitterness and confusion....
She put into words all that I felt increasingly with each passing day... and made perfect sense.

And suddenly I don't feel all alone.

Half the world away, she wrote, and I wrote.
Again and again, truth resonated in her words, and it was as if there were heavenly arms holding me, telling me that someone else understood... someone else had been there - that I don't need to hold on to my feelings in isolation anymore.

How wonderful.
What liberation.

For even though I've always had supportive friends and loving parents, the one thing that could make a difference was denied me until that message she sent - someone like me, who went through something like what I did... and came out better for it.
Praising God for it.
Wiser because of it.
And loved again despite of it.


I can only pray for such an outcome.
To be blessed with such love.