I jumped.... and fell and fell and fell....

Bungee Jumping.

Oh. WOW.

What I was about to do didn't really hit me till I was nearing the top of the crane and the air got real quiet and trees got real small.
We hit the top, and with no fanfare at all, the slightly bored Thai guy unlatched the gate and said, OK.

I waddled (feet were bound and protected tight by the safety gear) to the edge, and realized too late - I had looked down.
YIKES!

The guy's voice floated from behind me "OK, 1, 2, 3!!"


I hadn't moved an inch.
- Still hanging on to the gate in trepedition.

"OK," he said. "Try again. 1, 2, 3!!"


Still there.

I couldn't move!
Fear paralyzed me and despite how many times (in my head) I told my hands to let go of the gate, they just would not obey me.

"Let go your hands." The voice said.
Weirdly enough, I obediently let go of the gate when the voice other than my own said it.

"Now step nearer to the edge" The voice again.
I took 2 tiny steps (about 5cm) forward to the very edge.


Then... Again.
"1, 2, 3!!"

This time, I found myself bounding through the air, the pit of my stomach collecting in my throat with disbelief as I sucked in white, white clouds.
I kept falling, and falling... and then suddenly, there was a small tug on my feet and my body relaxed again - gravity no longer had complete hold over me.
I had reached the end of the cord and bounced back up.

As I swung though the air, I was delirious with relief and exhilaration.
It was still peaceful in the air.
I felt like a slightly dislodged bird.


After the staff hauled me back to the ground and undid my safety bindings, I lay amazed and quite euphoric on the mat for a minute and took it all in.
Had I actually jumped... no, been pushed off a crane 60 meters above the ground??
Am I crazy????


Hmmm...

Funny, even hours after the act, just the retelling of it has my heart and adrenaline pumping again. Well, one thing's for sure - I didn't really conquer any fear of heights doing that - having been pushed off and all... but now, at the end of the day, it seems I've learned something.



Sometimes we need someone else to reaffirm what we have to do.
To say out loud what we are saying to ourselves.
Sometimes we need that push to get going.

But first, we have to let go.
Let go of the fear, let go of the "what-ifs".
And take that tiny first step.


Honestly, what I feared had more to do with the height than any mortal danger.
When that cord "kicked in" and rebounded me back up in the air, I wasn't surprised - I had faith that it would happen - that I would be "caught".

Sometimes it's really the first step that is the most frightening.
But even if we can't make that first step on our own, all we need to do is let go...


I'm a speck, but here's the video of my jump:



UPDATED: Here's an edited video of all our jumps.