It's now been a week since Reuben's accident, and so much has happened.
Our family is trying to move on and heal in faith... but with the hole in our hearts where Reuben left us physically, we are now trying to fill with lots and lots of sweet memories, his music, and the stories his friends have been telling us about their time with him.
Nothing will ever be the same in our family with him gone.
I honestly am still in a bit of a daze.
While I know there's nothing to be done, and hence we need to move on, I still somehow can't believe he's gone... my heart aches and aches, and I've cried and cried... till finally, I just feel numb and blur... going through the motions of normal life, yet feeling somewhat displaced because life just isn't right anymore.
God has been good in sending us lots of comfort and love in the form of relatives, close friends, and even strangers. People who love Reuben, who have been touched by his music, and passion for life, have been sharing stories with us... usually humorous and touching ones... and it has helped us treasure his memory, and feel at least a bit comforted that he was so very dear to many, and that he gave generously of himself.
But our greatest comfort is in the fact that Reuben had been coming back to God... and that we know that now he is simply asleep, waiting for the day when God will return and raise him from the dead, together with all the people who love him... and that day, I will never, ever, ever need to be apart from my little brother again.
There were so many things that I had been looking forward to doing with Reuben when I came back to Singapore end of this year.... we would make music together, I'd join him at the gym, play XBox with him, gossip, watch anime..... and it just tore me apart that now I can't all those things with him here.
So now I cling to the hope and am looking forward desperately to the day when we will be reunited. I want to swim in beautiful seas with him, play games like how we used to when we were kids, make lots of wonderful music.... and never ever leave him or have him leave me again.
I love him so much... and my only regret is that I didn't verbalise this to him very much.
I hope he knew how much I love him and how much I wanted us to get close to each other again and spend time together again.
I miss my only brother.
I miss him so so so so much.
So I pray to God to help me do my work on earth well... and stay faithful to Him...
I want Reuben to be proud of me.
Just like I am proud of him.
Immensely proud to call myself his sister.
Friday, November 30, 2007
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you know, i've been feeling so lousy because there was nothing i could do. i really wanted to be with you and your family. all of you were in my thoughts, and you were the last thing in my mind before i slept. i, too, cried when i thought of how difficult it was/is for you and your family.
but i'm glad to know that you have found the strength to pull through and move on. *hugs*
i still wish i could be more of a friend, i.e. give you hugs, lend a listening ear, be a shoulder to cry on.
if it's not too much to ask, can you tell your parents, esp. your mom, that they are in my thoughts and prayers? thanks.
Shimona,it has been more than a week since Reuben's gone yet I still found myself crying when i thought of you and your family...there is not much i can do for you at this time but i can assure you that Nat and I will be visiting your parents as often as we can. Don't worry ok!..right now concentrate on your coming exam, give it your best and come back to Singapore soon...miss you roomie *bear hug*
Hi Shimona, we don't know each other but we have a common friend in Joelle. My god-brother was one of the 17 who made it and the pain I see him go through now is, I'm sure, less than a fraction of how you and your family feel. But, I just want to remind you to stay strong in the Lord and to know that your brother is at peace, with Him who loves us more than we know. We feel pain because we see things with our human eyes but let's celebrate them for having lived and for living with a passion. As your father said at the funeral service, let's us remember them and smile. Take care and God bless.
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