Little Dark Cloud on the Horizon....

A lot to be happy and thankful for.


Received a little parcel today - my first snail mail in years.
I'd read Oswald Chambers's My Utmost For His Highest years ago - online... but somehow getting a beautiful hardcover version of it, complete with a bookmark with my all-time favourite bible verse (Romans 8:28) sent tingles down my spine.
Thanks Jules.



Unfortunately, a small dark cloud lingers over my horizon... and it draws closer and closer.
In just about 12 days, it will be exactly one year since we lost Reuben to the murky waters in Cambodia.

I know that my parents have been wading in their own states of nostalgia and reawakened grief. But I've just been busy, busy, busy... putting off thinking about the date.

Sometimes when I read comments or words of supposed comfort where people that never even knew him that well say stuff like "we mourn his loss with his family..." or things like that.... I can't help but feel a little bitter and resentful.

I'm sorry, but you CANNOT understand our loss.

My life has changed irrevocably. I am now an "only child", my parents will never get over their grief, and our family will never be the same.

I know I cannot hold on to my grief and anger alone.
Which is why I have long given it to Jesus.
But unlike my parents, I still have a loooooong way to go in this life before I will be reunited with Reuben. In a sense, my moving on is more of a practical nature.
I move on because I have no choice.
I will "get over" his death because I must continue living my own life.

At the end of the day, it does sound a little survivalistic, doesn't it?




I'm also worried for my parents.
What will November 23rd be like for them?
I know I will mourn by myself here.
I will remember Reuben and smile because of the impact his life has had on my own life.
But I worry that they will be scraping at the hurt and grief.
I myself have never known grief like what I experienced the day I had to deal with death first hand. Stared it right in the face.
Yet I've lost a brother... what must it be like to lose a son?
I dare not imagine.

Please pray for my parents for the time leading up to November the 23rd.
And especially on the day.
Lord be with them mightily.
Lend your comfort, love, and most of all... peace.